Somebody to love....

Can anybody find me somebody to love?


Queen?





George Michael?




Glee?




Anne Hathaway?



Or an Xfactor classic?






No? Shucks, it's not easy wanting to be loved.

1 Year on, 17 Days till Australia...

That's right people, this blog is a year old, sort of. And in 19 days i am jetting off to Melbourne with my sister.


At this time last year i was elated, but still licking my wounds. The Cork IV was a great fun  time. I had a new peer group, i enjoyed what i did despite being bloody awful, 2nd worst speaker in the competition, and not too phased about it. But i had failed to be successful with Hope and i was still alone. I walked extensively in that strange city with a 3 liter bottle of coke under my arm and didn't look back. That one night i was at risk but also terrified. But i stuck to my guns, didn't listen to myself and came out on the other side with an elated feeling for a couple of days. And i Started this blog.

I have chronicled the past year once or twice already this past year. The specific post is proving elusive to find, but it's buried in there somewhere. Note to Self, re-name, and edit older posts!



I don't regret the past year. I love my new friends, even if i could be closer, or know people who suit me better. I admire this peer group. I even envy them. I may never exactly be one of them but i don't have to be.


When it comes to debating, it's a spectator sport as far as i'm concerned. I enjoy watching arguments better than giving them. I enjoy picking them apart, or oooh-ing and ah-ing and generally being in Awe of other people's vocal dexterity and mental prowess.

I was far to rusty and far to nervous to be anywhere near as confident or talented as other speakers.

I was there merely for the craic, and to support Ming. And for the most part i felt i did that. However he out shun me by a mile.

I was thinking of chronicling my weeked at the UCD IV with the Society and Ming as my partner in-depth, and over at least 3 parts with this being a 4th post.


But frankly despite the depths of detail and analysis i could give to it. I doubt i could give any of it justice. Because i am not sure yet what any of it means. Or what it means to me.



On Friday myself and Ming did perfectly average in our debates. Then Following that, on our way home he was faced with a rather difficult matter relating to his GF. And his mood completely changed. I offered all the support i could, but it didn't make much of a difference so i backed off.

His sofa bed also left me unable to sleep. I toyed with my phone, frustrated i tossed about and listened to my iPod. It was at least 3 by the time i got to sleep.


When we got up the next morning we were straight out the door. We walked and talked and that walk and talk was all the way from Smithfield to Nassau Street. We almost beat the Luas to O'Connel Street, but that would negate the idea of zone 1 travel, now wouldn't it...

At Nassua street we bumped into Malcovich and an old Other Society member who sort of "retired" last year, who i'll call Ted.

We arrived very early and there was little to do. But eventually we got back down to debating.

In between the 3rd and 4th round i chatted with a girl from DCU and i have say there was a small sense of 
Mamihlapinatapai between us. For those who don't know what that word means, it is the world's most Succinct word. It means, "a look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that both desire but which neither one wants to start." Or at least some kind of friendly interest from a stranger who would like to know more. Although sadly it never happened, i'll return this later.

Ming and myself did well on an arts round but it went down hill from that. The true failing of our "Parternity leave" motion was when Ming sat down after his speech and simply said, "Cluster Fuck".

And i tried to cover it but it was such shite and i had so little i gave up at about 4 minutes into the speech.

The 5th round was no better. My mind collapsed and i couldn't comprehend the motion.

"That this house believes in a right NOT to be offended".

We correctly argued that this would get nothing done, and so on. And i did understand that the prop were suggesting some kind of "though police" or so on. But most of the right answers only came to me later on. I gave only about 40 seconds of words explaining how i hadn't a feckin' word in my head.

So it was then the semi-final and final's and so on.

2 Society teams and 1 other society team broke. As in qualified for the semi-final. This was great.

After the semi-final there was food, and then free drink.

People changed into their Halloween costume, the Americans dressing the most revealing. Shocking levels of skin available. Like, only buyable in an adult store costumes. I guess it's the cultural difference of the irish dressing like that on the weekend anyway, just not as revealing. Shocking really, it's halloween, not a porn set.

We watched a bit of X-factor and the girl i had a moment with came over to me again. But she recieved a phone call from her sister.

The Final was brilliant and we from TCD had great fun. The Society were all together but most of the Others had spread out elsewhere. This added to our chants of T-C-D, Trin-ity and so on. As opposed to UCD, Kings Inn/ O-A-P and strangely U-C-G for NUI Galway's team. Can't even name their own college!

Then we had to wait for the result.

I floated around different groups. I couldn't quite "call" the result. When out in the main area i went to the bathroom.

Some how most guys were going at once and there was a large enough queue. The floor was also slightly flooded.

In the sink was a man in a Toga....

I escaped the flood with my balance and dignity intact and floated between groups again.

Then i ran into that girl again and this time was able to talk to her. Someone else who was standing with me walked away and i was left talking to her. However i fluffed it. Instead i started discussing the course's available in DCU in-depth. It felt like such a face palm moment. She said she was getting a lift from her sister and would be gone soon.

I felt upset by this and grabbed a couple of cans. At the same time i was discussing by text with my dad what time i would get the bus home. But instead i just thought i would stay out now. Enjoy the evening. I cheered and roared at all the congratulations, awards and thanks over the course of the IV. I then noticed that the girl in question had returned again.

I was pretty nervous but was now diving straight in to just enjoying myself.

Then the Result. We WON!!! WE WON!!! The Society WON!!! We had 2 teams in the finale, 1 at each end of the table, and 2nd Prop, Joker and Pippa won! The other team was Jayne and Nescafé. Basically all of our best speakers.


I also saw Ming and I's results. He was mile's ahead of me, even beating Letch in "speaks". But i didn't care.

I was more interested in reviling in the collective joy of the society, getting to Joker and Pippa and congratulating them and maybe, just maybe, catching that girl before she left.

And after a lot of nervous crowd floating and collecting and protecting of my belongings i finally got her alone. And asked for her number.

My exact words were something along the line of :
"I may not know much about DCU, but would it be alright if i got your number?"

She entered her number, fiddled around trying to select the field for name entering and then handed me back my phone.

I said thank you and felt proud of myself. Not quite the grabbing a spoon moment that i attribute to Daisy, but a minor league success either way. I didn't think i'd see her again that evening, and since i couldn't remember her name it would take a while to find it in my phone book. Not because i'm popular, but because all my Facebook and MSN friends are also on it, a lot of strangers!


Then we got the buses in. I was sitting beside Egyptian Paul and he discussed an Irish poem that had to be Sung with Ming, a newbie and Letch.

Boop, Jayne, Malkovich and Goldylocks and Nescafé were on the other side.

There were a few good laugh's including Goldylocks leading a half arsed rendition of Build Me Up Buttercup.

Then the pub. A long night. Many a different occurance. A stranger from some other college latched onto me and the group of Other society people i had been around with Ming, before he left. He had been a bit odd after the art Round earlier that day and strangely was still around, wearing a T-Shirt hell t-shirt with the famous Evoloution Progress of man line up, but with the man complaining "stop following me". There was something about the guy that was just freaking me out.

At one point the group of American's spilled inside our dancing circle and were giving it loads. It led to several worried, disapproving, and commic looks from all of us trying to avoid there brand of Dirty dancing and over-zealous smuttiness. I didn't disapprove, but i didn't think it was at all necessary.

I then noticed that the girl who's number i had gotten was now in the club. How odd, maybe i had another chance.


This however never happened. In-fact, Sherminator got there before me. And i won't go into detail but they either knew each other already or he was rather succesful at wooing her. Out of the corner of my eye this was slightly upsetting but i just kept on dancing and so on. I didn't even know the 2 girls i was with, or the assorted people from the "Other" society but i didn't mind.

At one point we migratted over to what was left of the Societies people and out of the corner of my eye i realised something i had never noticed before. Goldylocks and Nescafé are a couple. Fair fucks to them. It does mean however that Trinities top 2 societies buck the national trends of sexual orientation statistics!

According to a survey i read while in the STI clinic on placement last year, 4.8 % of Women in Ireland are Lesbians. And surprisingly 2.6% of men open gay men, with a far larger margin of doubt compared to women who "experimented" or claim to be bisexual. It really did show a lot about Irish Society, or at least the sample groups the HSE covered and then rounded up to the entire population of ireland....

The Society, and the Others, in no way reflect those numbers. Hell the Society is probably 30% lesbian, and probably 38% Gay like Kinsey's studdies found about men in the 50s.

But anyway i didn't mind. Hell i didn't even think about those 2 as straight options as it was, so it was even less likely that their orientation would lead to any lewd thoughts or change in opinion about them as people.


The night wore on until closing and then the groups split. Non of my friends were left and i didn't want to impose myself on those where were left as i didnt know them to well.

I was hungry, and had some drink over the course of the night but i just walked all the way to where i would stay. The 24 Hour internet café on Talbot Street around the corner from Busaras.

I walked all the way from Parliment Street in Temple bar to Talbot street, in scrubs, in the rain, with my 2 bags.

The armys upon armies of Undead, Sluty people, beggars, puking people, fighting couple's and comatose was shocking. I had never seen so many out at once. Or indeed walked such a distance on a night that would be this busy.

I ruled out any eatery, on my own. It was far to crowded.

The internet Café was fine.

I over slept the next day. Not good. Didn't fully recover till Monday.











Now what's next.

A movie with DS before he leave's on Sunday. (Either Tomorrow or on thursday)

Lunch with Budsey and PG. Possibly on wednesday?

My sisters return on Thursday afternoon.

And then my Good bye party.

I hope to find a day that suits both Old Nursing friends, old school friends still around, at at the most part all my Society Friends. DS will probably miss it, and thus if i don't go to the cinema i'll miss him, as i'm not home till next Autumn.

I would like it if my friends were actually the one's organising it. But they're all busy. I'm at home all day. I will be doing it. I just seems slightly pathetic that i have to ask people to say goodbye to me. Instead of the other way round.

My parents have also suggested allowing friends up here to this house as well. So who knows what i'll do.

Maybe a pub/and or diner thing as well as a more close friend thing here at home.

I also want to have one last debate in the Chamber, the wednesday before i go.


Who know's. I will plan, delegate, and arrange this all tonight, and over the next few days.

Until next time.

How I got here.....

It's Life Jim, but what are you Doing with it?

So here i am. My exams and assignment are done. Where do i go from here? Well i have 3 weeks of relative freedom, so to speak.

I have 3 weeks where i have to await the conclusion of my minimal and disappointing effort to save my academic career and get a degree and a profession under my belt as a reliable source of income. Here's hoping i did well enough?


In truth my studying was appalling. I attempted to get Gammaman to be my guiding work-buddy in that he would force to study but that petered out. In truth my lock out lasted all of 3 days and i was back on the internet and procrastinating. I spent at least 3 weeks reading and searching away at anything but academic work and i fucked up big time. I even emulated my failings last year by spending entire days sitting at college computers without even moving to go to the bathroom. It was embarrassing, it was awful, it was terrifying, it was pathetic, and it was down right my fault.

I most definitely have an internet addiction, or failing that a set of embedded and learned behaviors and habits that are self destructive.

I'm not a psychiatrist but i at least know that as well as Freudian child hood things, i also have behavioral and habitual (right word?) problems. I have a habit of avoiding what i should be doing. It's really seriously bad. I avoid anything really. I avoid responsibility. I procrastinate, doddle, doodle, stare into space and dream of greater things and put the most minimal of efforts in.

What's the most annoying is that i recognize my failings and problems and do very little to change them.

But i have a strength or two. The best one being self restraint and acknowledgment to avoid consuming alcohol as i fear i that my depressive and possibly addictive personality could lead to problems i would not be able to fix. I don't like the taste of alcohol as it is, but i hate loosing that control over what i do. I hate loosing my "hibitions" and inhibitions. I hate how alcohol makes me feel. It in low amounts can make me feel a bit giddy and open. But once i'm over about 3 beers or so, i'm not that knowledgeable of the exact level, i reach a point were i feel REALLY low internally. It terrifies me and reminds me of periods where i have been depressed and at all costs i want to avoid that ever happening. At all cost's i want to avoid alcohol making me feel that way. And so i almost never drink. I fear what it could do to me. I won't go into the full story but i have been gravely effected by alcoholism in my family and i don't want to ever let it happen again.

As well i don't like it's effects on anyone, happy drunk, sloshed, langered, shit-faced, or puking in a toilet. I know way do i appreciate the consumption of a poison that cause's people to act so brazenly or to exceed a tolerable happy limit.

People my age drink to become paraplegic. Now i have not seen it that often but that's the general consensus. They do not drink just to be sociable, they drink to damage themselves and have stories they wouldn't dare create without the influence of a intoxication and possibly other drug use.

All of this terrifies me. I struggle as it is in the normal world to trundle along and handle the shit pile of problems i've created by avoiding things. To just let rip and have no control at all scars me completely and i just couldn't do that to myself. I really couldn't.


It has taken a lot of will to overcome my own failings and the trouble life has thrown at me. I still haven't been successful, i'm nowhere near achieving my dreams but i would like to some how. In some way this requires a lot of Cojone's/balls/assertiveness/forth-wit/effort and over all WORK.



How i got here:

Formative years...


Where did it all start?

If i was to nit pick it breifly from a Psycological point of view.... I had an Au-Pair when i was a kid and spent all my time till i was 4 playing at home and being free. This freedom was then forced into School and i never really fully accepted it. I never made to many strong friends and was happier playing in my own head and at home then else where. Reading and school took away from this. I remember hating being forced to learn how to read. Now of course it is now an essential tool that i couldn't live without, but i sometimes think that time is my reason why i have always attempted to avoid the responsibility of work, education and being responsible.

Dreaming always seemed far more appealing.

Around the age of 10 i started having my biggest idea's. For some reason i said, "I want to be a Director". And from then on i kept creating idea's for stories, for movies, tv shows and other media where i could express my imagination.

But in secondary school this was kind of push to the side, i had to work. And i sort of forgot about it. I still slipped it in in English essays but i never perfected it. Avoiding study, homework and responsibility was a massive effort. So was home life.

I was bullied on off for the first 3 years of secondary school. All varrious levels and all from what in turn were slightly inferior people. People that themselves would latter be derided. But i was slim pickens for a while. But i eventually settled in.

I had Gammaman for a while, although his cleanliness on the 2nd year trip was off putting, he cleaned our entire room in the time it took for me to go to the bathroom, scary since i'm so messy! Well there were other reasons but i didn't have a strong friendship with anyone really. Not really putting in a lot of effort to it. After all this was the height of puberty and problems at home.

By 4th year i did have a far stronger peer, group, hell i had 2 or 3. A rocker group, a bit of a slacker group with DS and then the School play which was a massive moral and social boost to me.

But it was Transition year. And it was the ABSOLUTE height of problems at home and within myself. I skipped some 32 days of school. I avoided a lot. I Stayed at home and pretended to be sick. I was both miserable and experiencing an almost phantom constant pain in my stomach. This could have been due to damage from taking 6 vitamin tablets (recommended dose of 1) a day to prevent acne that wouldn't go away, but generally i felt really really low.

It was also the time that i had at least 3 disastrous internet relationships instead of real life ones. Including Lore. This obviously didn't help.

I then discovered music in the new year after all the mitching and slowly came around, with the play still to come and it's related socialising building. I also became a good friend of DS's and we frequently went to the cinema. Including ditching transition year charity work to go see Master and Commander: the Far Side of the World that Christmas.

Music became a big thing for me and MEST were my favorite band at the time due to their more "EMO" and punk leanings. They seemed to speak to me in my teenage angsty way. I had long hair, frequently unkempt and greasy, and generally i didn't get up to much apart from school, the play and movies.


LEGENDARY!!!!!!!:

The Post Play party was of legendary consequence. It was a great night, and the first time i ever drank more than 1 can or small sips. It was also the first time for another guy and i ended up nursing him at the end and talking about the weirdest things including faith for some reason.

The play had had 4 great performances and it was all over. People were getting shit faced left right and center. Anyone who was anyone in our the two years represented in the play were at the party and also the assorted girls and some of their friends from the Allied Girl's School.

I got drunk. And even socially smoked to some success. One of the guys from the "slacker" group had already arrived at the party rather drunk and by mid-party was being guarded by several people from puking like mad. At one rather disturbing moment, he actually attempted to drink his own vomit from a dish held in front of him to catch it.

I thought all was great and had kept a count of how much i had had, somewhere like 4 and a half beer cans, i think....

The night wore on and a large amount of us crashed on the floor. Needless to say i had gotten NO-Where near any of the girls i fancied and it wasn't likely i ever would have.

I ended up looking after several drunks that night and as i got more sober that seemed to be all i had ever done, look after drunks. It wasn't pretty at all, i saw less and less appeal in it.

Sure earlier i had though several people were great and that smoking was so much easier when drunk, but it just seemed to get ugly and hard to understand.

Sure some of the guys were giggling and falling about when said drunk guy was found passed out, pants down, comatose on the toilet. A photo was taken and people were in hysterics.

This same guy had at least 12 cans, had proposed to a girl that they spin a globe and stop it at any point randomly and go there, he also talked to me about god while i sobered and the Host's dad moped the floor of alcohol and adolescent sick.

As i headed home to suburbia i had breakfast, still tipsy, in McDonald's. Everyone still had a bit of a still pissed glow. I was with some Stoner types and slightly "hard" characters, despite their upper class status, and a rather bizarre Russian Immigrant student. It was yet another affirmation, that although all fun and hilarious under the influence, skulking home still tipsy just didn't seem right.

I laughed and smiled to my dad as i entered my home. I said i had had a good time, and still felt a still a little drunk, or tipsy, and scaled the stairs at 9 am and went to bed again.


5th Year, a year of music:

So i moved house after yet another bad summer of doing nothing. My sister had already been away from home for a year at this stage. We moved house.

My already weak social life took a massive blow by this, we had moved from Dublin, all the way to Clogher Head, County Louth.


I took up the guitar and joined the choir.

The choir was great. Although i wasn't exactly in it for the friends i spent most of my time with while in it. I slightly resented them, i thought they were holding me back, but it never really changed. I had to share a room with them in Chicago.

In Chicago, the choir trip, things reach yet another impasse. Girls were fully back into the fray as we all got to socialise A LOT more with the school we were allied with.

During a federal plastic food lunch in an American school we were visiting i had arrived late and started filling a table of my own beside the full choir one.

A girl sat with me who i had not seen around much in the choir much before and we got talking. We hit it off and things went well. After the choir performance there was another period of waiting around before we were to leave. Some people went with their American escourts to more classes and so on. However the African American i was with and the person that girl were with had a free period. The suggestion of a local Joint for Milkshakes came up, so we thinking we had plenty of time said yes. This was more about socialising with the Yanks, who thought it was odd that ALL of us Irish had Blue eyes. Every single one of them, not matter what their skin colour or mix there of had brown eyes. Interbreeding at it's strongest obviously, brown was dominant to our dainty little blue, and pale skin.

The Milkshake joint was ages away, a good 20 minute walk, and we went there indirectly for some reason. Inside it was very 50's retro, and the walls were stuffed with Ice Hockey players from some locale team. Simply the milkshakes were as amazing as promised.

We then rushed back to the school and me and the Girl realised we had been very late and were actually holding up the bus....

It also instantly dawned on me that the connection i was forming with this girl was also forming a bit of gossip that i had a thing for her, i was starting to have one alright.

Arriving back at our hostel we noticed a crowd in front of the Opera house and the girl i was with noticed it was a film shoot. We had seen trucks around our Hostel that morning, i had theorised it was ER doing street scenes. The girl however noticed that it was Keanue Reeves and Sandra Bullock.

I later found out that it was a shoot for that time traveling letter box movie they made.


Despite my interest and subsequent efforts nothing happened with this girl. I was a bit of a coward i guess. And i never acted on our connection. The two of us had clicked, i was sure of that, and informed such by my friends, whose experience with girls i now think was questionable, but i missed my shot and it never happened.



6th year:

It was all knuckle down and do my homework. Flat out for the leaving.

I even had to give up guitar, although i never got very good at it.

Socialising was mainly just film.

I recall i never voted for Gammaman to be head boy, i felt he wasn't up to the job. I was THE ONLY person who didn't vote for him. I was certain he would win, but i wanted to give someone else the chance. Considering that other person was his deputy, and eventually not the best, it was almost a wasted a vote, but i rarely tell him that. The positive and friendly intention of trying to spare him of the percieved burden will always be what i remember the most.

On a rather interesting new years eve i developed yet another awful crush, and frankly a insane one i like to forget.

That year i also had stepped up my lyric writing to get my thoughts and feelings across. I had amassed at least 150 by the turn of the new year.

I then discovered Fall Out Boy, and there positive, but brutally-honest lyrics have stuck with me ever since. What on the surface sound like melodic happy songs, but are laced with witty phrases and depressive leanings, it was gold to my ears.


At Some point in 5th year's "Careers" class i had set my mind on Nursing. I still have no idea why. I felt it was something i could achieve. I had already ruled out architecture due to my poor maths skills, and despite my English Teacher being a great friend and mentor to me i had Ruled out Film, English or Journalism due to the Perceived Writing effort that i would have to put in. This was a mistake, i loved the idea of it. My active imagination would have been re-opened beyond shitty little poems and feelings, but i had left it all to fester. I though Nursing was an easy option, i had been looking after people as it was, i was a nice kind person, it seemed right, and medical things did interest me. Another factor was that my Good friend Gammaman was aiming to be a doctor. Considering where i saw myself Academically and intellectually i though my run of the ladder was meant to be Nurse, if he was a Doctor.

So i left my choice at that. And despite confused by how i had reached this choice, i let it go that way. And the Careers person sent me that way, and sent me to talks and so on. I was the only guy. And none of it ever really set in. I just accepted it and saw, OKAY this will be me.

I in no way listened to my real dreams. My imagination, my multiple stories, the things that really brought me joy. Film, Tv, music, Transport, Architecture, Urban spaces and the vastness of the imagination and romantic idea's.

No i was accepting a role i thought was a "good enough for me" thing.

BIG MISTAKE!



COLLEGE:

So my leaving cert came. I wasn't beating myself silly to study. I was doing what was asked of me and being perfectly average and no more. Never really improving on what i was doing, despite now seeing what i could have done better. I knew i needed 360 points for my top choice of TCD for nursing. I had seen it's art deco building on Trinity open day and i was in awe of its beauty and the idea of studying there, anything, even if it wasn't nursing.

Aiming for 415 or slightly less points i felt i needed to be better safe than sorry with my result.

I got 390 and was probably the most content person there on the day. I was not over excited nor was i upset. I was content, it was perfectly average, it was more than enough to be accepted. I was going to college, and doing something i thought i could do.


So i started out. Made my new peer group, with one other guy and a slight Harem including SweetCheeks (nickname based on what i might have called her half asleep after a night out...), Budsey and Chatterbox. The guy was a good friend for much of First year and we had a strong Bromance going.

My debs came and went. I had wanted to ask SweetCheeks to go with me, but i ended up with a blind date at the last minute who was already spoken for, but knew some people there. A long story for that night, but over all another downer of other people being drunk etc.

In my Tutorial group in nursing i quickly developed a crush on one girl and it started to get a bit troublesome. After a night out i stayed at hers and witnessed two strangers go at it on the floor in sleeping bags while i also tried to sleep in the room. My crush on the girl had gotten pretty heavy, even though she was spoken for. I like all of that peer group, but i decided to avoid her, and thus being friendly with those girls fell apart because i was only there because the girl i liked had been friendly to me.


My first placement went well and i had a bit of a crush on a mature student who eventually left. Avril was also there but it wasn't till later on when i had to do a project with her and PG that we became friends.



PG:

After that bit of a failing with the spoken for girl earlier in the year i had still sat with a few other crush's. Sweetcheeks and Budsey really. But when i acted on my one for Budsey nothing happened, i was not aware at the time of what she was going through, but i now understand. So i still just went along with day to day college and then placement and i never really worked hard or anything. I just sort of coasted along....

PG initially frightened me. She was a bit strange, cookey, i thought, at first. Turns out she had a bit of a thing for me far in advance of me ever noticing.

We became friends over BEBO, MSN and the project we had to do.

Summer exams were close but i got by just barely. My male friend left the year and all i had left was PG and my Harem with Budsey etc


That Summer i was flirting wildly with Hattrick over bebo and thought she was really interesting and cookey.

But i also had my strong friendship with PG.

We had been to several movies during our study time and she even brought me a present from Spain.

Near the end of the summer i just though, fuck it, and asked her out.

Things moved pretty fast. She kissed me first.

We planned to hold off on certain thing but our lust overcame us really. We didn't allow much time to get to know each other that well.

Thus we dove in pretty quick and i hadn't enjoyed a lot of the early sex. A combination of the desensitisation of Condoms and the fact she had A LOT more fun than me while i couldn't finish.

It was frustrating. I had expected i'd be nervous and sensitive and be a premature kind of guy. Instead i was good at what i was learning to do but couldn't satisfy myself in a timely manner, that didn't exhaust PG from multiple orgasms. It was annoying to say the least.

I though in the history of men i must have been one of very few who was this successful at pleasing his GF but finding it really hard to please them self.

PG and i were never meant for each other. We were from different backgrounds, didnt some interests and ideologies, and most of all i was open about my feelings, she wasn't.

We went through a rough patch at xmas and then it wasn't plain sailing even up until Valentines day. The sex had improved but there was A LOT of animosity between us. I was miserable.

I admitted that i was fantasising about Hattrick and feared it was possible i would attempt to cheat and so on.

She accepted this but even admitting that i still didn't feel any better.

Our relationship was rotten as it was.

So in a miserable state, through a massive text conversation, while she was at work, we discussed how i was unhappy and the relationship wasn't really working.

It was over. 6 months, 11 fucks, at least 50 orgasms to 9 and nothing but misery on my part.


Around Paddy's day i tried to act on my feelings for Hattrick but she didn't get the message. She wasn't interested in dating, the first put down.


I was miserable for the rest of the year and subsequently failed my exams.

And in turn the Supplemental's when i sat in depression just staring at a computer and not doing anything.


Veryberry was a great new friend but i couldn't date her either.


Then this past year. All covered in these blogs. Hope, Cleo, Australia, Daisy, Society, cutie, Election, examblor, summer and Supplementals.


My study wasn't that good. I feel i might have let people down. And even myself.

Of all the things i've done this was my 4th chance to redeem myself. TO get a degree and have a staple in my life that i don't really want, and have no idea why i ever really chose it.



So what do i do next?

Blogged with the Flock Browser

I find it very hard to drink to your continued "success"

Introduction:

Now first off let me explain the title. It's actually a backwards quote from a Marianas Trench song.

In the song Sing, Sing the words are "i'm finding it very hard to drink to my continued success".

This being a reverse of that and really not that accurate but why i thought of it will become clear later.


This post will chronicle my friday night's adventure's, misadventure's and lack there of.

You see it was PG's second outing in celebration of her 21st. Several old friends would be there and an even larger number of her old friends.

I apologise that this will be a VERY long post. And i apologise for any offense i may cause to those involved or any reader that may take offense to my opinions or poor writing.


Also for a "guide" to who's who, please refer to this previous post which explains some of the characters involved.

And so the story goes:

Day+ Prep:

It was a day like any other really. Other than my dad was home so i got up at 11 instead of 9. Less puppy duty for me. So off i trot, from the bed to my desk. Whip out the study material, and then do little else after that.

So around 4 o'clock i slowly started to get ready. A quick cold ironing of my clothes, the steam beast of an iron that we have was low on water. Then i took a shower, shaved, brushed teeth and got dressed all within about 20 minutes. In all my prep and even checking my carrier bag i forgot my passport. I often do this. I keep it on my desk at eye level, when i'm sitting, just so i always know where it is, but i forgot it again, as always.

So slight rush out of the house to get the train. I said i would be fine with about 40 euro or so. Why i thought this was beyond me, that arbitrary figure suposidly factor the cost of at least one drink, hah!

So i had to walk up the hill in Drogheda in the humid weather. It had been stormy and raining on off all day. A rather dreary and uncomfortable stickiness to the air. Not easy to walk up that hill when wearing a t-shirt, shirt, blazer and non-restricting tie. It's a deep routed habit of mine to ALWAYS wear a t-shirt. Even when wearing my uniforms tunic i wear a t-shirt. I'm rather sensitive to touch sometimes so the idea of knowing where my nipple's are kind of frightens me. It should never happen!

As i reached the top of the hill i stopped at the petrol station. 2 800ml Lucozade sport's bottles for 1 euro! How could i say no!

I climbed the second smaller hill into the station and to my chagrin the ticket station was now closed, as it was 6 o'clock. So i had to use the electronic ticket machine.

BIG MISTAKE, and one i couldn't avoid. An adult SINGLE into Dublin was 15 Euro.

They currently have Adult 10 euro return, off peak.

So i whipped out my student card. Student Single to Dublin..... 10 euro 50 cent. 50 cent more than a return! for a single direction, single use! Disgusting.

I had no choice but to pay it. This would mean i had LESS than 20 euro to myself to spend on the night. And had to reserve a tenner to be able to get home the next day.



So i'm on my way in. Music playing out of my phone. I availed of the good signal and further tested the new applications i added to my phone. Being able to read my favourite blogs on the go with RSS feeds is so damn handy! But thats all for another post...


So i was to meet up with Budsey and Cleo just before we went to PG's thing in Captain A's. Originally this was going to be in Anseo on Camden street, which would have been pointless for me as it's quiet a walk from Westland Row(Pearse station) and past Captain A's at that. So it was switched to the Porterhouse. Which i knew well at this stage from Wednesday nights before debate's in the Society.



Now once in the porterhouse i said my hello's and then sat with very little to say. It's not like i didn’t have much to say it's just me being me, words never came to the front of my mind when i wanted them. I hate when this happens. You want to be apart of things and yet you sit there silent, only listening, because it's all you think you can do. I couldn't think of many questions and so on. It was unpleasant and awkward to say the least.

Then we moved on to Captain A's for 8. Now PG had texted me earlier saying they were running late or something but her claims seemed to be pre-emptive or something as they were already there.


Diner:

So it was a slightly set menu with her parents paying. Set in that there were several choice's but far to few for a restaurant like Captain A's, you'd expect more variety normally. Basically every main course option was a type of burger.


Now this was alright but at the same time i was still at a loss for words. At several times i was left out of ever conversation around me and had little to contribute. Beside me Budsy was snapping away the odd photograph. Across the way Cleo was texting ahead to her Boyfriend and Avril was more involved with the group of friends surrounding PG.


One of PG's friends bought here a plethora of Hen night style gifts so a Dare book was passed around as a bit of a laugh. But none of them was ever acted upon, mainly because they were stupid. And from my point of view really really "common" and loutish. "Start a snogging competition" and all those kinds of retarded suggestions that would only appeal to drunk people.

In my inability to say anything, and not exactly having much fun. I "lurried" into as many soft drinks as i could. 1200 ml's already from the humid train ride. A large glass of fanta down, diet coke down, 2 of water down. Half way through my burger i had to pop off to the bathroom. I wasn't involved in any talking at the time so i just backed up my chair, didn't say anything and went up the stairs.


Now i remember Captain A's from my childhood. I remember the party after my sisters communion, the only one in our family. I also remember a dinner with our Lesbian "Aunty" at a slightly earlier stage where we discussed "The Simpsons", without yet seeing it, just knowing that we weren't supposed to due to how "rude" the early episodes were. How naive people were, i know i was merely a post-toddler but i thought it was supposed to be a naughty show at the time, South Park was still 9 or so years away...

When back from my "constitutional" i sat back down and it wasn't as if i'd missed much. The skinny friend of PG's across from me had removed all the sauce from her Chicken burger and only eaten a third of it and half the chips, and finished. Every one else was close to finishing with scraps still linning their plates.

I thought, oh i'm a man, it's only a mushroom burger and a few chips. I boasted that one time i ate a whole 16 inch pizza to myself. Now that was 4 years ago the night DS left for Scotland for the first time. I have rarely done such a thing since, although some of the meal's in Oz were of equal size. I remember the joy of squeezing in the best damn Pancake's i ever had after a feast of a meal in a restaurant on Circular Quay in Sydney. This was not one of those occasions.

With maybe 20 chips left and a bit of my burger bun left, i put up my white flag. It was the soft drinks, it was the glucose of the Lucozade sports drinks. It was a damn big burger!


There was a long enough wait for the cake. And at that stage the live music was about to start.

After the rapidly melting Meringue and ice-cream PG, Avril and one or two of her friends Resigned to the bathroom to re-aply their war paint. It was at this point it verged on the ridiculous.

What felt like 20 minutes, at least 4 live songs later, had past. The live bad weren’t half bad. What was left of us sang along or bopped about. A bit of Van Morrison's Brown Eyed Girl and other classic's.

In Discussing PG's Extended absence i said to Budsy "There's no Adventure in Constant Preparation." At that point i was not to know this observation would sum up the entire evening.

I tweeted that very bit of philosophy on my phone, i was so bored i actually had time to read the world of twitter!

Then PG and Avril Returned. We were all ready to go. The next location on our "war path" had changed. It was originally Eamonn Doran’s. A place i have also yet to vist. After there it would be onto Copper Faced Jacks as the evening had always been planed to be.

But instead it was changed to Flannery's on Camden street due to Doran’s being in Temple bar and most of the gang wearing High Heels....


The walk with Cleo:

So i was on point with Cleo. The rest of those not taking a taxi 8 minutes up the road were slowly clacking along behind in their torture devices.

It was here that i discovered i had fuck all animosity left for Cleo. I really didn't care about my old negative obsessive bitter thoughts. She was just a blank thought to me. I wasn't a close friend or jilted lover. She was just Cleo, or her real name, whatever. We didn't talk about much either. She even repeated facts she had mentioned many a time before.

I also shared a bit of Small talk that i had mentioned once or twice to my parents over the past couple of days, but it was so benign i can't even remember what it was, boring either way.


Flannery's:


Once in the door i went straight for another trip to the bathroom. About a mile away at the back of the place.

The group had gathered in a TINY alcove beside the front door. Already spilling out into the doorway.

Glow sticks were all the rage for some reason. And the music wasn't half bad.

It was all a bit cramped though. And soon Budsey moved off to talk with Cleo and her Newly arrived Bf. I was stuck with the rest of the group and despite small attempts here and there to talk the music was a bit much to keep up much of a conversation.

Then even more of PG's friends arrived. Some i never caught the name of who didn't even stick around, and then also Prickmister himself my successor.

Now i won't go into to much detail but he's basically a bastard and PG should never of agreed for him to be present. But he had arrived with one of Her long time friends, so there was little complaining to be done, except it was already known that he was in a grumpy strop.


Now Mr Hightower Prickmister was exactly faithful while with PG and decided to inform her of this mere days after they finally did the horizontal mombo. And just about a week before she went of to Spain for the 2 weeks or so at the start of the summer. Months later she's still muddled over this 6 foot 4 + prick who frankly i would never think was suitable for anyone.

At one point when the upstairs was opened up i asked him LOUDLY in his ear to check if there was seats and so on up stairs that our group could move to. He did pop up but then came back soon after and never said anything, to anyone. We were basically causing an obstruction and we were cramped and un-socialable in a corner.

PG couldn't mingle with everyone and were we all getting split up. However for some reason this was a stop off point. Despite the possibility of getting comfy with good music if we just stayed in the right place.

So instead we moved off to Coppers at about 1140. This place of Legend. This bastion of supposed culchie slutishness, the let your hair down watering hole of Nurse's and Guards. All lies.

10 euro entry fee. It was empty at 1140! Full within 30 minutes. 2 euro per item in the cloak room. 3 euro for a 200ml glass bottle of Coke apparently.

Avril used this to add her own Vodka too, very economical.

Across the way from us it what was possibly the ONLY seating area in the entire basement was a bunch of sub-par looking female's. Now i don't mean to be rude but even with alcohol i'd have an aversion to those poor ladies.

Our group slowly formulated and we didn't exactly fit the space at that.

So after a while it ended up that i was on bag watch duty. With one or two others still hanging around with Mr Prick in the corner.

I briefly explained to Budsey what had happened between them, emphasising his Prickish qualities, apparently in more than one area, apparently "gifted" in that facility.

As i explained to PG much later on with someone that tall the blood can only control one vital system at once, so can't be expected to be rational when he's got so much blood being used by his "gifted" situation.

At one point, one of the few where he actually said much, he spoke with Avril. And in a sort of "only messing" way tried to insinuate that her Bf who was at some other party in a suburb for slightly crazy reasons, might have the temptation of girls and so on. He was basically being an asshole. And none of what Avril's bf was doing sounded to rational as it was but to say such a thing to her was just being an asshole. FULL STOP.

Throughout that moment i was making knowing stare's with PG about how much of a prat he was and we were also making jokes with our facial expressions about Penis Envy as he had been towering over all of us fishing for change in his pockets, for an extended period of time.

After his awful words to Avril I leaned over and said: "Some people have more Will power than 'others'." But the damage appeared to have been done. Although the negative seed's of doubt were already in her head due to the rather crazy things her bf was doing. For one he was just out of hospital for a seizure related to dehydration or something. And he decided to go on the piss with his mate's at some free gaff. Not with his Nurse Girlfriend on a much safer night out. He may be younger than her, actually the same age or so as myself, but still it was idiotic. Which led me to believe he was either being a complete idiot or who had poor influence from his friends who were giving the usual anti-commitment spiel that you see in Sit-coms and movies.


If they knew or saw Avril they would think twice about such words, but lads will be lads....


Now after a while on the dance floor PG returned and wasn't in the best of moods. The night was exactly a roaring success. And her old school mate's kept trying to force more drink into her and cheer her up. Everything they were trying was basically disgusting me. She was really down and what they were doing was shoving a drink in her face and saying the usual "forget him" "enjoy yourself" "just dance" shite that in effect means fuck all to anyone who is down.

Each time i had the chance to catch her attention i informed her she didn't need the drink. That HE shouldn't be there and that she could talk to me if she wanted. I also tried to imply that her friends weren’t helping and neither was where we were.

Some how however she went off again. As did the rest of the group.

I stayed on bag watch. Frankly i was not in the mood at all. People kept asking me was i was alright. They all didn’t look like that wanted to know or that they could change anything. I gave basic reply's and stayed put.

At one point i went off to get a Kopperberg. I had already had a mixed fruit one that PG didn't like in Flannery's, i had also had 2 rum and coke's of hers that she wasn't going to finish. I wasn't even drunk but i wanted to be just a bit. And i knew a flavored cider would do just the trick.

So through the seething mass of culchies and generally disgusting drunks who were predominantly male. The place was awash with loutish male drunks, and the girls not to better either. It was also full of younger people at that. The place looked 2 wrong songs away from a GAA club riot. There would be no Nirvana or Springstein on this sound system, not tonight! There was however several of the worst example's of U2's music, and the obligatory "Journey" and Galway girl....

Through the battle field of towering Neanderthals’ all in track suits or more low key clothing, me in jean's and salmon shirt with a blazer and purple tie.... I finally reached the bar.

Soon enough i could get the barmaids attention. A first for a place so packed. So i shouted Kopperberg, twice without any specific's as to what fruit i wanted. She eventually returned with a 500ml bottle and a glass with ice. I hand over a fiver. She just looks at me. She then screams at me twice incomprehensibly "7.10". Now she had leaned forward to say this and i was flummoxed. I looked in my change pouch fishing for coins that might have magically appeared. I was truly confused, i was actually expecting change from that fiver!

I said "I don't have it."

The look of scorn on her face was shocking. And i stumbled off annoyed. I'll return to this later.


Now Budsy tried several times to drag me onto the dance floor but sadly i never said yes. I was far from in the mood and frankly the music was really starting to piss me off with how shit, generic, retarded and far removed from melody or popular song it was.

There were a few funny moments with photographs as the group had returned for a while. Even a hilarious one where Budsy's legs were raised as she lent back with her arms around others and her dress was raising very high. So to "gaurd" her "virtue" i had lent in and tried to pull her dress down in the private area to save a bad picture. However the picture was taken at that very moment, to everyone's funny bone's tastes.



A lot more bag watching. At one point the Friend that had brought Prickmister with her vengefully deleted contacts from his phone and then dropped it by accident when finished, in turn seemingly breaking it or disabling the battery.


Drunks sat beside me several times but moved off each time members of the group arrived.


By 240 am i was going insane. I had tried to nod off to sleep to ill avail.

Then the culchie music started. Now it was just torture. It was minutes away from either a second Galway girl, A maniac 2000 or god forbid N17!

PG was briefly back and i texted her as she lent on the table, begging for us to go soon. She agreed with me over how shit it was and said she would collect Avril, and possibly go a tiny bit early.

This seemingly didn't happen. And i suffered on, alone till the last songs.

Near the end "i've got soul but i'm not a soldier" closed out the night.

I rushed across the mass of pond scum and other low life to get to the clock room before the rush. And the exited to the street. Soon followed by PG and then the rest.


PG, Avril and Myself then got a Taxi to Avril's in Rialto. We got stuck at the lights several times, especially at the foot of Camden street where nearly every Car in sight was a Taxi. A traffic jam of taxi's for the brief minute where every club and pub had closed at the same time on a main artery out of town, a nightmare really!

We got to rialto quick enough and Avril left the taxi straigt away, seemingly broke.

PG paid 5 euro of 11.45. Then to my horror that barmaid stole my fiver! She never gave it back! She made me pay for 5 fucking euro for fucking Corkage on a drink i refused because i couldn't pay for it! She robbed me and i didn't even realise it at the time assuming i had grabbed the note back! Not good. I needed my tenner and all my change to get the train the next day! So PG had to pay the whole fare. Not good.


Avril's and Nostalgia:

Ah this place. I had been here several times while dating PG after a night out, almost all of which were fucking awful, except for what me and PG did when alone, which even then wasn't the May West sometimes.

Up to the bathroom again. I realised the wall's were lacking wallpaper. The place seemed run down. I noticed Avril's old room was un-used with wall's and floor in poor disrepair.

Then i realised that the tv room was also in this state. Either way i lay on the couch and tried to get to sleep.

As i promised earlier PG popped in and offered tea or toast. "I Don't Drink Tea" "Food going to sleep?" i then asked "Do you want to talk in a bit?" And she said "yes".


This was 420 am as it was. So i waited, and waited. Then close to 5, as the sun started to rise she came in.

We discussed the whole Prickmister situation. Her friends, the evening. And i also mentioned how i was doing in the relationship department. My former bitterness over Cleo, the failure of venture's such as Hattrick, Hope or Daisy.

We talked for a good while and i even mention an idiotic idea that was stuck in my head of a "comfert fuck" as i had though about it, it didn't come out like that but that was the basic idea. I knew it would be rejected but i was attempting to convey that i was there for her, while also trying to convey my desperation and loneliness and how idiotic i was. I also said that it was for "nostalgia's" sake considering what had happened in that very room more than a year ago. You know been there, done that, lost the t-shirt.

Not to be. It got brighter and brighter and briefly she fell asleep. I woke her and sent her off to the double bed she had waiting for her upstairs.


The Morning:

At 1040 it was woken abruptly and slightly rudely by Avril. My alarm had been set for 11 but i had to sit up either way as the couch i was on was the only one available for watching the tv.

PG joined us and she sat with Avril's bf's broken laptop "checking her email's".

Throughout that whole time Avril was discussing her negative worries about what her BF had been up to and so on. She was also surprisingly unfamiliar with the basic concept of Will & Grace, such as Will being gay!

I gave what little advice i could although i felt there was little i could say. I know full well that when worrying about someone who has yet to reply your mind will jump to a million conclusions. And there was little i could do to quell that or stop it. And frankly i was tired.


The battery on my phone then died. So i had to call the parental's on PG's phone. I got a train time and headed home.

I stole my ride on the Luas for economic reasons and still had to pay a disgusting 10.50 one way to Drogheda.

I was Home.

In conclusion it was a shite night. The girl of the hour didnt enjoy herself either. And i didn't have much fun myself.

The aftermath also ment that i got a re-occurance of my rash and a few runs to the bathroom. Alcohol really doesn't like me in many many ways.

Ode to the blogosphere: A guide to my blog, and a rant or two

Is it just me or is it sometimes really stupid to leave comments on other people's blogs?

Every time i do it i just feel like a complete and utter twat, even if i have something relevant to say. The odd time i waded through the shit storm of shame to actually attempt and leave a valid and coherent argument on Perezhilton of all places. Yeah like that will ever happen.

Especially with my "fellow" irish bloggers i just feel like a sick-of-fanta lickarse twat. I try to weigh in opinion and humour but i just feel dirty and pathetic sometimes. After all, am i really in the same league? Is my cynicism, humorous observation or up to date know-how even worth the read?

I rather resign myself to the world of diary posts, self loathing and the odd tid bit of fan boy gushing over gadgetry, film and music.

I have several idea's from day to day of what to stuff into this blog like an extra topping on a less than generous Lidl Pizza. Most of which go off the wall and ramble and don't really cover anything except unkept sprawled column millimeters on some randomers computer screen.

But i shall forge on. After all i like saying things. I like writing. And there is after all a sense of success when you jam in some minor wit that you think is hilarious and genius. There is a sense of accomplishment when you shite on for hundreds of words about the societal worth of discarded metro's and their beneficial effects by remaining on the seats of rain soaked dingy irish public transport. Or some shorter and obviously less pandered sentence.

~The Who's What-now of Social Dullard's Learning Curve ~

I have thought about this many a time. After all my life and blog post's can be populated with many a character. Some are passing through like the tumbleweed that is life, living but bleak and all of that kind of metaphor which i never thought of before writing it and don't know where to take it....

So i'll describe all of my friends who i feel are of importance, impotence, imposter-ence and pissed their pants. The people who i mention most often and the face's without a real life name who populate my life.

The Parental Units: I can't say to much about them as i have no damning or complaining thoughts. They are my keepers and owner's of my sleeping space and generally most of my possessions. I can often be at odds with them over my studying and academic situation, and lack of a financial one. But in the end we're still family and we love each other. The odd diner time and evening spent on the couch usually involves a lot of humour and is truely family stuff.

The Sister: The sister, oh the sister. I may not know her to well these days as she is no longer the intermittent she-devil she was when she was a teenager. Now she is a loving companion and part of the family that is shacked up with an aussie down under. She not only is a source of further laughs and a Animal expert but also a possible INN keeper for any further trips to the land down under. She will return for 2 weeks this november with promise's in aiding in my driving lessons. Stay tuned for that...

Sporkie:

The sisters husband. A lovable guy and fun new addition to the family. My mother love's him for his ability to finish any large meal and he is generally a like-able guy that we're happy is part of my sisters life.

The Dags: Ralph and Rosie. I won't give them nicknames although Shitbox and Princess come to mind. The mad little puppies that are growing fast and still struggling to keep their bodily excrement OUTSIDE.

The Cat. Daisy(the cat). She is basically the LADY of the House. Garfield in female form. She has my sisters room all to herself. A plush well looked after double bed and arm chair all to herself as well as over-flowing wardrobe's choke full of real and imitation designer hand bags. She use's my window as a cat flap and is also known as the cat of a thousand meow's for her continued efforts to get us to wait on her at her beck and call. This includes the window dance to enter the house, when ever she chose’s and of course the 4am wake up call that tells you she's to lazy to use her sandbox for un-lady-like business.

DS: DS is possibly my best friend and my frequent companion for cinema trips. This colourful individual is studying politics and psychology in some Middle of the glen's back water in Scotland and for the past 3 years has only been available for small snippets of the year because of his incarceration in the education system loop-hole that is Irish people learning on the cheap in Scotland. On a similar note my sister did the same. DS and i have over the years had many an idea from being a Movie producing team, to being in a band, and of course our dream of a US road trip at some arbitrary and hopefully well off point in the future. DS, myself and 20 cent used to be a sort of "three mousekateers" when it comes to cinema going but now it's just me and DS.

Gammaman: Possibly my second best friend and my main friend during the college year. A talkative, loud and charismatic soul this rather jumpy and highly caffeinated boom box of idea's and repetition has been a friend for nearly 10 years and has always been the same. He is a natural brainbox and know it all record stuck on repeat that was born to be a consultant of some kind. He missed his chance to do medicine but now he will kill cancer for a living instead and all the better for it. He is heavily involved in the Society, although not as much next year. However he now has "digs" on campus, right next to Westland row station so i may spend many a night recovering there over the next year.

Nursing:

PG: My ex girlfriend and still a relatively close friend. Well close in that i seem to still talk to her every day. Other than that i haven't actually seen her physical presence in several months. She is now going into fourth year nursing so it is unlikely i will see to much of her over the year. Her belated larger birthday party will be later in the week so stay tuned for that.

Budsy: She was quite possibly my closest friend in my old year. Unfortunately i have seen VERY little of her over the past year and i do miss her a lot. Even with all the new friends I’ve made few can compare to her ability to make you laugh or be scared all at the same time. A laugh riot from the wilds of Virginia town.

Chatterbox. Also a Virginia local this 100 words a minute girl has been my main companion during lecture's for the past year. She also failed and repeated along with me and was by coincidence part of the small Harem i had going over the previous two years. Even with the sheer speed and incomprehensible amount and way she speaks over the past 3 and a bit years i still don't know her to well, but she's a friend none-the-less.

Avril: This embittered and frequently mitching older student is a good friend of both PG and myself. Some how she still forge's on and is on the verge of making it into fourth year. She is a voice of reason and also knows how to put my idiocy down in just the right way. She is also the last reason left for owning a bebo account.

Cleo: A drop out and enigma from my former year. Readers and those who went back through my post's will know her as a cause of much internal grief over the past year. I quickly jumped the shark and became obsessed about her. So what if she is bi-sexual and almost got me into orgies. She was never interested, and was never going to be. Her life seems to me to be a female version of me but with no ability to write. I read her diary, she can't write for shit!

Current Nursing year:

Mystique. A red haired character who i barely know but know from a-far none-the-less.

Jade: I've been on placement with her and our two secondary school's have a long standing history together but other than that i don't know that much about her, although wouldn't say know to learning more.

Ria: A slightly manic Corkonian who i can't help laugh when around and also a class rep 2 years running.

Daisy: A surprisingly lazy and attractive dark haired girl with that boxed off hair cut. I got to know her well on placement in the baby farm and asked her out for some arbitrary point in the future after my return from Oz. This however never materialised and never really talked to her after that.

The Society:

Hope: A coincidence meant that this Erasmus student was actually a form schoolmate from a lower year back when i was in primary school. She hails from cape Canaveral these days but has decided to stay on here in ireland. I struck out at least twice during the year but she has remained a good friend either way.

Goldylocks: An old acquaintance from my choir days. I know very little about her now but she's a close friend of Gammaman's and will be on the Committee next year.

Cailin: Gammaman's Ex. I don't know her too well but frankly i don't care to anymore. I was never informed as to what exactly happened but the current replacement for gammaman is a bit of a mute dweeb so it's not exactly something to approve of. I can't pass much judgment but without knowing the full story what can we do but jumped to our own opinions and file people under "Frenemies".

Joker: A rather talented debater and common face in the Societies Newspaper room. Possibly the best debating assets we have and hilarious to boot. He will take over the duties of Gentle Ben in reading funny minutes before weekly chamber debates.

Lenn: An old childhood friend but now simple acquaintance. He is now in yet another prominent committee position and not a bad debater either. If you need advice on sophisticated alcohol or simply just port he's your man. He also knows a thing or two about the man upstairs but doesn't prescribe to any of his laws or followers beliefs.

Letch: A frequent and legendary sight in the Society. This long serving normal member of the society has been around the place for a long time and knows a fare few things. I'm not even sure where he'll be next year or what he'll be doing but i don't think he'll disappear just yet.

Percy: Last years Society leader and a usually approachable guy. He's going back to his business course will probably still have a bit of a presence from time to time.

Jayne: Possibly the next best debating asset of the society. This flamboyant soul is a friendly and efficient force in the society and will probably still be lending a hand in its day to day running’s.

Capone: Also a resident rainbow carrier but with the adage of being from Up north. He was a part of the committee last year but missed out on next year. So he will most likely still be around and a great addition to the ever growing plethora of talented know it all's that is the society.

Nordiemk2: This corduroy jacketed talented young man will be joining the lower ranks of the committee as one of it's strongest speakers and general all around nice guy.

Nescafé: This frequently tired young woman sighed relief when she handed the reigns of her job over to Lenn and is a very strong speaker and will probably still be around next year.

008: This dapper gentleman dress's decade's before his time and is very attentive to his appearance. Already on the path of alcohol at the end of the day for relaxation this easily noticeable figure was born into the wrong decade. He'd easily be well at home in the 60's or even the 20's.

BD: This debating expert and PD supporter is a long standing presence in the society and an voice of knowledge and reason on most topics and how the society works. He graduated last year but maintained a presence throughout and most likely will continue to offer guidance to the many people who have been with him over the years.

Sherminator: Oh Sherminator. This guy really does have a competitive streak in him. He never seems to NOT argue. He argues every side of every thing imaginable. He also ramble's on a lot. He often doesn't know when to stop. He may need visual aides from the audience in future just to slow him down and control his spluttering and sometimes disastrous mouth. He's a top debater but if only he could be controlled... And without a doubt he has a soft spot for Boop....

Boop: The leader of the younglings. Possibly the strongest New female debater to the society. Gammamans prodigy at that. She's a strong willed and determined young thing and will go far. But at the same time she's still a young woman so she can't be the boss all the time. She's also the target of many a joke on facebook which she take's in her stride.

Dona: A good friend of Gammaman and myself's. Dona despite her tattoo's, bi-sexuality and hatred of formal feminine atire is a talented but shy speaker. She's joined the committee for love of helping out and being a part of the society. But with the right encouragement she could go places.

Demi: A good friend of Boops and another member of the committee’s lower ranks. Unfortunately in the early day's i could never remember her name and often would substitute it in my head with that nickname. But now that she has facebook-age i will never forget whatserface...

Egyptian paul: A talented and yet another encyclopedia amongst the society's ranks. His similarity to Malkovich is so much that he actually dressed as him for Halloween in the Republic, which was rather hilarious.

Roxy: A rather interesting acting and singing student who is also a frequent sight amongst the society. She's a good speaker as well and will probably be around a lot more. She's also a good friend of most of the younger female's and new comers.

Malkovich: A talented speaker and arm chair facebook presence to the going's on of the society. Strangely i'm older than him but he is far wiser than i will ever be. He also maintains a strong connection to the Other society and his religious route's are of semi-frequent joke's due to the rarity of Judaism in the so called multi-denominational setting of trinity.

Kaffee: The legal eagle and level headed back seat observer of much of the societies goings on. He has many a good thought and it is a shame he doesn't debate more often. His 4 minutes out of 7 in the god debate alone was one of the best arguments that evening. He frequently is absent for extended periods of time leaving rumour to circulate...

DJ: A talented young entrepreneur who not only has his own record label he also runs a charity space for dublin's youth. He's also a good debater and missed out on joining the committee.

Ming: Possibly my closest new friend in the society. He's a good laugh and a talented on the spot debater. His thoughts can be out there to say the least sourcing from Philosophy, theology and science fiction. One of those characters that just warms a room by their presence. Probably should shave though.

Hmm can't think of many other's. There are other's but i think i covered all the important people for now.