In which i hope to return to College and the Society.

Oh how i neglect thee dear blog, no more, never more, not again!


Well, maybe at least once a week if all else fails.



So i have ACTUALLY decided anything but i have put myself forward for Election in The society so that i can be on the committee next year and get more involved etc

And in all likely hood i am returning to nursing next year, as its the cheaper and better option.



So it's 3 years of Nursing. Okay so it made me unhappy but if i can do it my way, work hard, and be involved in college and other things as well then all the better. It's not beyond the realm of possibility that i can do it.


I also have idea's to quench my filmographic thirst while i'm studying. Translation i have an idea to make a cheap as chips student film that's right in my general interest. More to come as i start to get it together. But what i can say blog wise, without giving away to much, is that it's a Drama/Sci-fi about conscription to an Alien war. 


Yeah it's all just an idea. But i hope to make a short film, maybe under an hour all about the drama of young people deciding if they will go to an unknown war for the saftey of humanity etc All do able on the cheap with home video equipment etc and a lot of orchistrated and rehearsed scenes and so on. Maybe even some improvised stuff in the form of a Debate.


More to come latter i guess. And more clear etc.


Oh and i'll be playing some Football on Good Friday in great Trinity college tradition in the Society Vs Others Match. The same match i was at last year actually..

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Road to the future...

So i'm going to talk about what's going on in my life, how i got here, what i'm doing, and what i hope to do.

I want to keep this as brief as possible, to not rant, but i know i will, so bare with me...


What Happened:


Unsure who I was i thought Nursing was a good choice of career and or college.

I spent the first year lonely and slightly lazy college wise but i passed.

I had a failed relationship in my second year and was even lazier. And i failed.

I was given another chance. I repeated the year. I built a massive new peer group on campus and loved it. I spent all my free time giving to it and receiving some thanks in return. I also didn't work hard enough.

I tried to work hard. But i was still me, it had been so long i was lazy, i avoided it and i was afraid that i would fail and disapoint people. I was afraid to try and i avoided it.

I failed. I disapointed myself and my parents who are if anything exhausted with me.

3 years of college down the drain. 6 years of private school education that i never put to any use.

I'm Lonely.

I'm Lethargic, depressed, lazy, annoyed, frustrated, negative and generally fear responsibility or any drive at all.




What am i doing?




I'm the house maid. I clean the house, unwillingly and lackadaisically and feed and walk the dogs.

I slowly search for new college course's. I've barely updated my CV and done nothing with it.

I email Society people willing to help out and even make some money from it, but all those spots are filled.

I miss my friends. I miss having something to do. I feel sorry for myself and i do fuck all everyday.

I watch far too much pirated television the day after it airs in the states.

I think and yet i do nothing. I dream and yet i don't fulfill any of them.

I reflect on everything and still blame and excuse myself in equal measure, but i don't deal with the present.



What i have to do?

I have to earn money.

I have to repay my parents.

I have to achieve my own independence and have a career that allows me to survive in this world.

And i have to be an adult.


How will i achieve this?


By getting a job, any kind, as long as it pays minutely above minimum wage as per the law etc.

Saving for college here or abroad, and most likely getting a student loan.

Being confident in myself and competent in my actions to be a successful student and become qualified.

By the time i am likely to be finished college i will be 26. Very late i know, but by then i hope to be mature.

I hope to do some kind of arts degree, english or film or journalism. There are several course's that encompass aspects of both. And UCD or Scotland are my main choices.





Why i never made this choice 4 years ago is beyond me. Nursing was okay, but i never really worked. I never took responsibility and it was a disaster. I could do the job but my heart was never in it. I was depressed for most of it and frankly because i was down and never fully working it just kept getting worse and worse. And i eventually failed for the last time.



Now i have to find employment of some kind. I have to claw my place into the world with no qualifications and no experience and hope i can run back to college and learn something i am interested in that has the slightest chance of a career at the end of it.



It sounds like a really really big challenge, but i have to do it.





I have dreams:




I want to travel the world.

Inter-railing.

American Road Trip.

Ozbus - London to Sydney

and maybe even road trip to Rio 2016.

I want to be a writer. I want to continue my love of film, write books, write screenplays, write short stories, write blogs and generally be me and have fun while doing it.

I want to somehow achieve freedom by expressing who i am and discussing the wider world.

I also want to share what i have to offer with the world, whether through teaching, writing, journalism, blogging or even film/television/plays.

I basically want to be heard. I want my mind and my words to be my talent and main skill.


I may be lethargic and self loathing at the moment but i would be willing to do anything to make this dream come true. To have freedom to see the world to live in the world and experiance all life has to offer.

I have never liked the idea of 9 to 5. But i do long for the idea of settling down some day.

If i can see the world, live life, write all the time in various ways and then settle down and teach or share more, then i would be happy. That would be the perfect life for me. I just have to achieve it.



Goal's:

To Graduate from College

To See the World

To write no matter what.

To settle down and share my knoledge with children and others.

To die in the comfort that i at least lived and left enough of a mark that people i don't know will still remember me and believe i lived a good life.



Now To live life.

Manic Monday (Part 1): Back To Nursing...

So yesterday was quite a busy day. First off i had to be back in college for orientation stuff for 3rd year.


So due to the whole transport situation, ie no trains, i had to get the bus in. Now i have been getting the bus in for study and exams as it is, but 5 am starts are not exactly fun.


So i was in college for 730am. Unfortunately everything didn't begin until 10, not 9 as i thought. Que a lot of waiting.


Computers are only fine for so long, so i went up to the plush couches in the Art Deco foyer of our wonderful building. The smell of muffins, croissants and other pastry's beating down the smell of coffee from the West Coast Coffee Café on the opposite side of the foyer.

So with my music from my mobile, and a can of Cherry tango that i got for 50cent in The Spar Near Tara Street Station, i was set for some more reading of On The Road.


This however was wishful thinking. Someone spotted me. A mature student. Someone i barely knew and would be damned if i had to name them. But she felt she knew me, or of me, and had to talk.

Now this was fine for about 10 minutes, the whole catching up thing but then it just kept going, and going and going. She was the fucking Duracell bunny of small talk!


Not only that but i could barely get a word in edge ways or offer an opinion, it was mostly a spectators sport, one involving aural torture i imagine....

Not only was it a long conversation with some i barely knew but she also started including personal fears about fainting on placement in theater and so on.

She also poked me several times and ruffled my hair. In any circumstance this is odd, but she did it so frequently and so quickly that i couldn't stop it. It was off putting to say the least.

And then there was the doozy of a line "I scare men away, i don't know why." I fought a bazillion urges inside my head from giving any judgmental jab's or quips or so called honesty. I just let it slide. And i won't even elaborate on it now.

I was pinned down, interrogated in a way where the interviewer is the only one who wants to talk. Subjected to information, worries and queries i didn't have much interest in and on top of all that i was poked and prodded.

Also when there were lulls in the conversation she would talk to other people, cross the room, talk over me to people on the other couches. I had been quite content to read and pass time. And now i was included and excluded from conversations so quickly it was rattling to say the least.


One such instance was asking a girl beside me how her summer went. Now i remembered this girl from ages ago.

Late to a lecture i had to sit at the back and made quick and brief friends with the group around me. She also was late, but part of their group, and ended up beside me.

Long story short my initial reaction wasn't much, i just thought a usual back of the class type, fairly attractive and out of my price or interest range, if i had one.

Basically prejudicial dismissive of her from the get go, with assumptions of bimbo and so on and so forth. Hey i can't help it, i've known quite a few at this stage, at least 200! (From being in two nursing classes of 250, you work that out!)

But even back then when i first met her the was the obvious, "gettin' to know you" chit chat. Included in that as i relished the shelter of the back rows and the laid back less attention needed atmosphere i was reading the free-sheets. The Metro being my free-sheet of choice, the letters page!

And she mentioned her love of the letters page, and instantly made the connection of my long commute with the Letter from months previous about a bout of spontaneous hugging that occurred on one Commuter train. A great story that i've always been dubious about, knowing that train and the scowls of caffeine shortage's, wet hair, jolting and rocked make-up application and blaring earphones(those would be mine), so hugging seems alien and novel for us true "Straphangers", or as i like to be known, Full-distance-traveler-so-only-i-am-worthy-of-a-seat!

Something about her enthusiasm in mentioning the letters page and specifically that piece had always seemed worthy of note.


And then in the idle chit chat of "how was your summer" from the mature student who at length shouted a wrong name at her until she remembered the correct one to get her attention.

She came out with this:

"Oh, i spent the summer road tripping in California and am now 5 grand i debt, but you only live once."

My face may have been blank with my eyes begging to save me from this mad yabbing machine, but on the inside i lit up!

Road trips, glorious road trips. A girl i had been so dismissive of taking that daring leap, plunging into debt and just embracing the open road, and adventure.

And it was the way it was just one sentence, my quote not word for word, it was NOT a story of a J1 or trip to Ibiza and such similar piss ups. It was a genuine, here's a funny story and insight into my life while also defending myself from telling the rest of the story to any further probing. IT was snappy, it was informative, and it was down right brilliant.

Within seconds she crossed the room to buy a coffee or some such. And i could help but roll over the idea of what that road trip was, while my body automatically oogled her crossing of the room, and a fleeting eye starred longingly at the book in my lap, now closed and forgotten after the constant small talk with a stranger.






Orientation:


So we received the explanation of the new rules and documentation.

A lot of changes, and pretty strict stuff.

Basically you can't miss a day of placement unless you're REALLY REALLY SICK or have other legitimate excuse's. A lot of girls had been fobbing the system off and generally taking the piss with its apparent leniency. So now there's no room for maneuver

Also the documents have changed. BIG TIME.

Less chance of Forgery. There is now a "signature" bank where each signature is recorded and also given in block capitals, FUCK!

The documents are also all stapled together in one huge book so that your "preceptor" (person you shadow and work with all day) can see how you were on previous placements. Also a big eek.


Whats worse is that travesty of an annoyance, the portfolio, reflective pieces and on placement learning, all in the document!

No longer the days where you rush summerise an article off google that loosely covers your chosen topic and just pretending you learned something off it.

I was a semi-master at this. The last minute save, the excuses, the letting it slide, the distraction techniques, the blank faced lies, oh i was a master.

I had learned it oh so well from avoiding work in secondary school. Predominantly in Business and Art. Business because i hadn't a clue, Art because it was far more time consuming and my i gave that teacher so much hell it was the least she could expect....

Now i won't encourage what i was doing, of course not, but i had always derided the system for being so weak, for putting this insistence on people when we just want to sleep after days of slave labour. I understand it is meant to aid our learning process but frankly WE students our mules. And doing anything other than turning up and doing what is asked of us is a tall order. There is food to eat, socialising to be done only via the internet or the rare outing, there is also fuck loads of tv!

Where would i or normal nurse's be without their tv? The Home and aways, or in my case How i met your mother and Battlestar Galactica. There's Dexter, House, Gray's Anatomy, Greek and the mother of all greatness QI !!!! Work during placement, PAH!

So now we have to, it's in our documents, and the space is TINY! It's so tiny it's laughable. Okay so there's no excuse for not getting it done but it reflects fuck all! Of all the scribbled and rushed, delayed, disjointed and insulting work i forked out over the pass 3 years i learned and wrote a fuck load more than what is expected here!

I slaved over every last minute deadline for stuff that was never read, never legible, and never reviewed. Hell most of it has never appeared ever again, but i did it damn it! If i said so, anyway, there's some gaps....


The change is welcome. People will get stuff done. But generally you need to show real interest in it. It will force more and more student nurse's not to be lying habitually to avoid the responsibility of actually learning or getting any form of academia into their systems during placement.





And then the big OH Fuck. The statistics on interpersonal relationships. This is where MOST 3rd and 4th Years Fail in their placements.

Now this covers a large range of things, but is basically how you work with the Staff, the Patients and how you work as a supervised and semi-free agent and advocate of people's health and well being.


It's a tall order. To work your ass off, slip the disks in your spine, and do it all with a smile and a hop skip and a jump. Project an image of competency and so on.

I have always found this the hardest. I do all my preceptor given tasks as a sense of automatic duty. I pro-actively care for things outside of my orders out of general knowledge and experience. And i interact with the staff on basic chit chat and the order of the day.

I do not do it all with a pro-active assertiveness. I'm a shy headless chicken. I do what is asked, do what i know, and inform when i see something untoward and out of the ordinary. I make suggestions to and share the general disdain for the job, how it operates and how what is expected of us is a dream world in comparison to what we get achieved.

Do be able to extend my effort beyond the exhausting one i already put in is alien and terrifying. I'm awful at being me socially as it is. So doing it in placement with Transient more experienced authoritative figures who are predominantly female is just difficult!

I won't try and excuse every aspect of it. But as a nurse this is a large failing of mine, and it has been the main highlighted criticism ever since 1st year. It's not been lack of skill or academic knowledge. No i work well. But i don't look good at what i'm doing. I don't appear to be on top of it all. It shows that i am not confident. It shows that i am only doing what is asked. It shows that i am often just trying to avoid any more than what is asked.


Okay with patients i am grand. With fellow staff not as much. It's harder to be friendly. It's harder to be the same. It's the same small talk. It's the same what do we have to do. It's harder to step into their world and be like them. And my interests are so far removed and alien to a typical nurse it's impossible to mention them.

How do i talk about Science fiction, Debating, Politics or the internet and computing, even tv choice's are out hard to include with some.

Whats worst of all is trying to stretch this socilising and "non-sex flirting" cross culturally!

With Non-Irish born Nurse's, and the majority of these are Sub-asian or Oceanic Islanders, how do i share my chit chat gossip across a folded bed sheet to someone who i would rarely encounter anywhere else but here in hospital over a commode?

The closest i ever got to a truely extensive friendly conversation with a foreign national nurse was about Relgion. This was in ICU! The patient couldn't talk and we couldn't leave the room. We had only the radio and a "floating" nurse to help with some tasks. Otherwise we were stuck in a room together. It had to happen. We had to connect on more of a level than simple work. THIS RARELY HAPPENS!


Although it does happen with student nurse's. This is a given. After all they are all Around my Age, share the same experience, are from the same cultural background, and of course i am FAR more inclined to flirt with them or to strike up a rapport. So in essence i have to expand this to all staff members...


So IF i get into 3rd year this will be a very big fear of mine. How do i work on all of this?





After the documents were explained to us we received them.

It was a big queue and as i got mine one of girls from my Tutorial, who had seen my "oh god i was in at 730am for 10", comment on facebook, asked me with a quip "Was it Worth the wait?"

Made me smile anyway.


As i fumbled to read it at the top of the lecture theater a girl who had been sitting with me and an old classmate who had returned from Off books approached me seeking information from an email i had mentioned earlier.

Confused, lost, and without much help from staff or tutors this repeating ID student hadn't a clue where or when she was supposed to be so i helped her with getting info from an email.


After that bit of chivalry i left for lunch.

In the foyer i jacked in my music after much cable untangling. Staring at slightly familiar face's in the crowd as they passed or ate their lunch in the cafe or the plush couches. Face's such as Daisy...(more on that later)

 LUNCH FEATURED IN Manic Monday 1.5/Snap Happy #9


After lunch we had our specific Hospital talks. Mine was upstairs, and the others down stairs.



I went to one of the stand up computers just to check my general emails, and any notifications on facebook to save me some credit.

As i did this Chatterbox rounded the corner. I talked with her briefly as i hurriedly battled with a bad mouse and slow computer to get what i wanted to read seen and out of the way so i could go upstairs where i had to be.

Her thing was canceled and i talked with her briefly. I mentioned my exams and assignment and she wished me luck.

I cheated and used the lift to ascend to the 1st floor, which was actually 2 storys up from where i was.

And then we had our thing.

A talk on the documents, the still standing code's of conduct and so on.

What was worse was i had had run ins with all of these CPC's before!

2 from some of darker moments of the past year, like that "sick" day in the name of Chasing Cleo on insane false interests.... Not good. I was in deep shit for that, and my whole disillusionment with the course and repeating was dragged out. So i would like to have avoided them.


We tried on Masks for the risk of Swine flu and some people had to stay behind to try on larger "HAZMAT" type ones, like in Outbreak. It all seemed a bit ridiculous, sine Swine flu is so bloody harmless! Sure it's highly infectious but you have to be pretty sick with underlying things to pop your clogs from a flu.

But of course a large scale Hospital Pandemic would be very dangerous. It's the right place for people to die from it. And the staff would be heavily exposed to it. If the staff got it they would spread it to other patients at risk, and to all of the staff and the people they interact with. It would also mean that A LOT of nurse's would be out of work, sick.

And student nurse's are breeding grounds of cross infection. Even if we're trained with better hand hygiene and warnings, we're more likely to make mistakes at crucial points or to have picked up habits from less competent nurses. We also move about a lot more and spend A LOT more time in the community, because some of the students actually have live's! So we're very likely to be sources, or victims of swine flu.



Following that i went back to the computers.

On the way down i walked passed Daisy. My eyes were not really aiming for anything but our eyes met but i kept walking.

There was an a large look of recognition in her face and i heard a failing sentence of

"Hey, how...." behind me.

I wasn't sure if it was her addressing me, or someone else, as i was walking quickly but i didn't leave the time for it to matter.

I think if it was her she got the message that i wasn't going to stop and talk, or say hello, or something like that.

What i was thinking was;

 i'm going somewhere, oh there's someone i want to avoid, oh oh our eyes met, keep calm, keep walking, what, did she say something, oh no it stopped, forget it walk on, don't mind, oooh a flutter-by....

I had no real intentions in my walk passed her. I had seen her Emily the Strange Silhouette all day. And despite it conjuring up memories and the temptation to oogle i didn't, or at least not to often. She still had THAT hair cut, she still looked the same and even some of her cloths were familiar from my period of bitterness. Obviously not quite over, but then again why did it matter. There is the chance this was the LAST time i would ever see her, or at least until January if i pass.


Computers, usual routine.

Chaterbox entered, she briefly talked to people from our old year who were obtaining thier new documents and ward profiles.


Then as she was leaving she rounded the desks and talked to me some more about my exams, what came up, and the assignment. She wished me look and expressed confidence in claiming that i probably did well and so on. And i bid her a due. I probably won't see her till January, or possibly longer than that, who knows. Although the thought had crossed my mind to take her to the Next Twilight film as she mentioned it a few times. A perfect opportunity to be a good friend or prove the theory my friends and i had that she could be a lesbian. Who knows...



Then off to Society Stuff. This will follow in Manic Monday (part 2): Return to the Society....

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Physical exhaustion and a bit ansy.

Is life Jim..... but Nursing is physically demanding shit!

Wow, 3 day's down, 1 and .8 to go. Or whatever the friday's worth.

I am exhausted. My shoe's, are not the may west, so the sole's of my feet are aching, my ankles have scabby ulcers and even my calluses are throbbing. I ache all over, i'm generally tired and intermittently sluggish. And my moods change very frequently. This is the price i pay for a massive increase in physical activity coupled with lack of sleep. It's a shock to my unfit system and it's nay fun i can tell you that.

My rash is still semi-present. My hands have been washed so many times, and rubbed with alcohol gel so often that the skin is visibly dry and bath wrinkles are appearing. I try to moisturise them but it doesn't help when you wash it off minutes later. My rash has run and hid on my hands and feet. This means as well as the swelling soreness of standing on my feet in small tight shoe's all day, i also have a constant nagging itch that i can't scratch in any way. It's only small red spots but it's a constant burrowing itch that just won't fuck off.

I'm showering every day, but the physical activity and this mild humid weather means i'm sweating a lot, and i usually don't sweat. This means i'm getting chaffing around the groin from pool's of sweat. This is possibly one of the worst as it's the one that i notice most while at home.

As for my mood, it can be circumstantial. I was relatively happy with my nursing actions today. It was quiet, "touch wood", and not much had to be done. This meant i got everything i needed to do done. Fluid balance's, a couple of walks of the patients, so on and so forth. I even had time to loosely pre-pare for whenever my cpc would come around.

This involved a quick scribble of the basic's i knew she would ask me about. But i was busy and walking up and down with a slight limb, throbbing feet, sweating my ass off and generally knackered. I didn't have the time to look after all the patients i was assisting in the care of and also learn. When i was home the night before i wasn't arsed. i was too tired. MJ's memorial made my eye's well up and Torchwood was nice escapism. I had few hours of sleep and rest to recuperate, studying was not on my agenda. So when then CPC did finally catch me, in the middle of a task at that i wasn't exactly happy.

I was trying to get a patients weight. The first weight i got was grossly underweight and obviously wrong. She then asked what it was in Imperial, and so did a nosey former Nun in the next bed. As they chatted about that i kept trying to amend the result and get it again. But the damn scales wouldn't switch back to Metric. And i was stuck with senseless weights, in the sense of what i was looking for. Stone's are all well for conversation but they're fucking useless for medical purpose's. I failed to get it. My CPC arrived mid task and started to chat to the Nun. Fed up and aware i was basically being summoned and watched i stopped and put the lady back into bed.

I was then brought to talk about what i had "studied". Here came the shit part. I'm not stupid. Okay, yes, i failed exam's for second year twice but that's lack of study and emotional failure's such as being a fuck-wit selfish twat who only Care's about self-pity. But when on placement i do what's asked of me and generally get by well enough. I was on-top of a lot of things today. I was almost on a roll, apart from a large spillage early in the morning. I was dreading the cpc, i was tired and exhausted from actual work. I didnt expect this time owing to include being expected to self-educate to the same standard. Obviously that is not so.

So being put on the spot. I struggled to string a sentence together. I was pissed not only with the idea of being pulled aside for inquisitive learning, but i was even more pissed that i couldn't even talk. I actually stuttered. I know this stuff, the words may not be perfect, it's not clear in my head, but i don't see myself as thick or anything. It may be an over-confidence in what i may know but when i Stuttered and couldn't say what i knew i SHOULD KNOW, and expected that i could talk about i just stammered and fell short of my intended words. It was beyond frustrating. It was unbearable. I just wanted to blurt it all out in academically perfect explanations. I wanted to look at the notepad in my hand with the answers. But i was all over the place. I couldn't even say the words my eyes snatched quickly.

I then had to read through the software guide to explain it all i was still flummoxed and stammering. It was on the screen. I rolled my eyes and squirmed every time her eyes weren't on me. I checked the clock in the corner of the screen every time i could.

I was trying to talk about Pressure sores and the assessment tool's and so on. Frankly even when i do encounter them it's second nature to use the various treatments we use. Such as barrier cream's, positioning, pressure relieving cushions and mattress, diet, hydration and so on. We do that as basic care as it is. Actually summoning up the rationale was escaping me. And for someone who usually over thinks and drifts off on trains of thought, not being able to express what i knew or could say was just awful.

I was so focused on all my physical demands and physical pain that i couldn't kick my brain into gear and catch up. My higher functions we going no further than what had to be done.

It may be trying to excuse my inept and glaring failing, but i just was NOT in the mood to dredge out education and knowledge when i couldnt even say the words articulately or at all.

Yes i am far behind of where i should be. Let's face it, after 3 years i really am worse at this than i should be. I got lazy, i became complacent, i became indifferent and cock sure of my own abilities, which is a lack-there-off. My academic rationale is seriously lacking. This is due to a large lacking in work. My physical care is usually hap-hazard and messy.

Basically i don't think i really am of the right mind set most of the time to be a Nurse. I'm a walking disaster. I may be a caring person but i am to all over the place to do anything competently. I, knowing myself, would not trust ME to care for ME. Not at my current level. I really wouldn't.

In my pissed off state i just smiled and agreed with the rest of what the cpc said. Trying to get rid of her. But then came a fact of documentation and care that is a glaring omission of how bad it really is within our health service. We are meant to "Think Discharge". From the second someone comes into us we have to have a minimal idea of how they will be managed after they are with us and so on. Well ALL of my patients were post surgeries and varying stages. And out of 6 only one had a mention of Convalescence and discharge in the near-by future. 1 out of 6.

My CPC quoted an audit of a ward of 25 where only 4 had preliminary plan's for discharge. We only started talking about it when all issue's are generally resolved and taken care of. Once people are generally well then we start planning discharge as the last few tasks like additional scans or removal's of drains and dressings and so on. Most of ours it wasn't mentioned, and considering how fucking busy we were for just a "QUIET" day it was fucking woeful how little i really knew about the over-all picture of our patients. I know i'm not the nurse but most of what i did was tasks, tasks, tasks.

No big picture. No Care Plan. No documentation past Vital Signs, Input and Output/fluid balance and stool charts. I've been doing that for 3 years. The clerical stuff has been intermittent at best because the nurse's, my preceptor's are always doing that as i do the tasks for them and us as a team. That is a glaring sign of my lack of assertiveness in showing that i am very far behind on knowing or having any experience with the clerical side of nursing.

Celebtastic:

Soon We Bury The 2nd King.

It is a staple of human society that once and a while someone great come's along. Someone so special that they eclipse all others. They are a jack of all trade's and capable of anything. From Gospel we are told of Jesus Of Nazareth, From history we know of Issac Newton and Shakespeare, From science we know of Edison and Einstein, from Politics and civil rights we know of John F. Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Doctor Martin Luther King Junior and Nelson Mandela, and from film we know of Charlie Chaplin, James Dean and Marlin Brando.

From the World of Music we know Of Elvis Presley, and Michael Jackson.

I have to say a few words here and there. I welled up at the footage of his memorial yesterday. I cried when His brother sang Charlie Chaplin's Smile. I especially cried when his daughter said her first public words.

That memorial may have been a show worthy of Michael Jackson, but it will also live in Infamy. Hundreds of millions of people worldwide watched in unison the passing of a Legend.

On The Box:

I'm currently loving TORCHWOOD.

The first episode was great fun. The second a bit weak and contrived, tamely just another episode despite it's dark undertone's.

Tonight however was just amazing. It all came together. The slow and never full reveal of the 456 was well done. The use of a "middleman" to absolve world leader's of culpability is a great plot point. And the terrifying use of children, and request for 10% of them is brilliantly played out.

Jack's involvement in their last visit is a great twist, and i can't wait to see where it goes. I hope it doesn't go down hill from here. Dr Who would. It's in it's nature in recent years, to give a soppy cop out that the children can buy. Torchwood is less forgiving. They did after all kill off 2 permanent characters at the end of their second season. The less said of their Dr Who cross-over the better.

I'm loving it and can wait for tomorrow's episode, but i don't want to.

P.S Stuff came out in my nursing rant that i didn't even realise. I think it shows how therapeutic and helpful just writing this blog can be.

Boredom Chronicles

So the parental unit’s have returned. And as is the tradition of all airport travel i have super-huge toblerones to munch on. Someone else’s holiday is never the same unless you get chocolate for it! It’s only fair...

So what have i been up to since their majestic return? Eh nothing really. I did a few chore’s today, and chased the escape artist puppies as they have developed several way’s out of the back garden the very second my parents return. I blame my dad taking them out to frolic when he was mowing the front lawn yesterday. I was drafted to guard them as he mowed. This was pointless, they ran next door instantly to taunt their relative’s. This led to a lot of chasing, especially of Ralph , the mad one. When we finally got them back he escaped the side gate just as we were closing it, so the chase began again. Then we discovered that Rosie got out again. We didn’t know how, there was supposedly no hole’s in the fence. Then we find that the entire mini gate’s wire had been chewed away. She was able to squeeze through. So we put bags of wood against the gate to block the hole’s. A few minutes later i go to feed them and they don’t appear. I go outside and there i find Ralph hanging out of the gate with his hind legs stuck and Rosie running free. I wriggle him loose and lift him back in to the yard. I then climb the fence like a ladder and catch her easily.

Their escape act’s continued today. When my dad left for town i was told to keep an eye on the dogs. Doing a few computer things i thought it odd that the pack of dogs next door were so loud. Then i hear a knock at the door. It’s our neighbour carrying the two mischievous escape artists, Ralph and Rosie. I was not pleased. I check the garden and move the sacks of wood a bit. I then start making breakfast. All of a minute has passed and i wonder where are the dogs. I step out and they’re gone. I dash over to the fence, climb it, jump down run to the next fence, climb into my neighbours and amongst the yelps of the caged dogs i yell out for my crazed puppies. They eventually pop out of the tree’s and think it’s all a game. Then a bit of petting and wrestling and dashing back and forth and i have them both. Now the hard part. Getting back over the fence while still keeping a hold on both of them not easy! I got them home and then i lock them in. By the time i’m doing chores in the back garden i let them out again. Keeping an ever watchful eye on them. And they try several way’s to escape, the side gate, the sacks of wood, and then the tall fence itself. I hadn’t noticed but there was a blank missing. I saw Rosie leaping and she almost get’s through into the gap inside the fence, almost to freedom. I dragged her back and then saw the missing blank inside. It had fallen inward during the windy weekend, it hadn’t been supported. I fetch a hammer and rusty nails from the old rotten picket fence, that collapsed in a massive way threatening a mini-cooper antique. Puppy escape hole sealed off i felt proud, i had foiled their free running escapade’s.

My poor Phone:

I know i have friends, new ones at that. I also have transportation, but with DS in Syria with his father, Gammaman in the Republic on placement, my Ex who i don’t anyway in Spain and college finished for the year(academic), i have little options. That i am socially shy about initiating things and so on. I’m sure i can think of something to do. But i have to pay back placement and find a job as well, and preferably soon.

Why i say “my poor phone”, is mainly because out here in the Styxx I don’t get a strong signal so it can’t do any of it’s bitchin’ internet stuff which is handy when bored on the couch watching tv. It’s like a restricted computer in the palm of my hand, moderate fun to be had! I miss that. I have all that social networking at my disposal, in theory, and it’s all going to waste, shame.

My odd dreams:

I was woken early to feed the puppies, 6 am early. My mother was getting ready to leave and felt this was the perfect new time to added to their reutine and mine. My 4 hours of sleep was none to happy i can tell you. I went back to bed and woke again at 12. Before waking i had a series of not very well connected dream’s that took me a while to remember as i tried to drag myself from my double bed.

They were muddled and random to say the least. I was going to rattle them all off in what i thought was the sequence but instead i’ll try and briefly postulate what they were all about in a few short phrase’s.

The amalgam of Art class and placement was all about how i avoid things and how i should take responsibility.

Following that a few faceless classmates that i apparently had spent time with were indicator’s of opportunities and so on.

The River in an Asian city avoiding a lighthouse or police station thing, was video games and movie’s i had recently seen turned into another version of the avoiding thing yet again.

The Britney spears music video dream. This one was longer, far more complicated too. Basically it was a random song that didn’t exist. I followed a group of familiar celeb face’s through different scenarios like i was part of the party. There was even some sing along “re-enacting” of the video itself like we were partying. At that point it changed to another version of the “video” where other parts corresponding to what had happened were shown. What any of these moments were has left my memory, but it was interesting. I think it meant there is always another side to the story, or something like that.

Then the last dream was slightly odd again. It involved crashing in the Gimby late at night after partying, or the music video. I had a conversation with someone generic and then campus alarms went off. Apparently someone had broken into campus and everyone was being rounded up and reassured that everything was okay. I didn’t have a residence card or anything and joined the crowd anyway. Apparently following a girl i knew to some Chaplaincy reassurance thing. It was all a bit foggy but i think the break in was me or something, i’m not sure. Either way i tagged along just because of this girl and saw whoever i was talking to in the same lecture hall as the religious sermon thing we were attending. Oddly the “holy communion” was in a tablet form where both the body and blood were in the same capsule, some sort of internal religious “streamlining” joke in my head i think. Then while preparing to scoff internally at the whole thing i started reading a pamphlet. Then the person to my right asked me a question. It was a fellow nursing student, they asked about an exam question. I answered back something about Oesophageal verities, and they then said that they were asking about a Tracheotomy question. Then that was it. What that all meant i wasn’t sure. I think it means i was avoiding being in trouble and going with the flow, and avoiding exams and so on and not know what i should. And that the chaplaincy thing was a support structure i was missing, that i should have been getting to help me and so on.

This is all just my own interpretation, i don’t know if it’s the right one, but i think so. I was both being reminded of how i avoid things as well as being reassured that there are possibilities out there and so on.

As for the music tag. I recently discovered Fight Like Ape’s via another blog i read. They’re amazing! I love when i find new music, especially quirky stuff and irish at that.

To Do list:

Phone CPC to arrange time owing(belated because i’m afraid of phonecall’s)

Learn rule’s of the road and pass Theory test so i can get driving lessons.

Study for supplemental exam and “re-do” assignment.

GET TO 3^RD YEAR!

Find a summer job.

Toodle’s for now.

My face is on fire, and it isn't sunburn

So what have i been up to lately. Eh... Well not much. I'm at home puppy sitting while my parental units are on holiday in spain. This means as well as looking after the bouncing puppies i also have to look after the cat of a thousand meows that is our very Royal cat Daisy(cat). Who wakes me at 4 am to steal the neighbor’s cat food and still expects me to feed her.

I could be doing several things. For one i'd love to be writing my story, however i left my latest copy on the college computers. In all the procrastination i did during exam's i just left it there. Which was annoying to say the least.

I also could have been writing my blog. I expected to write a blog about the puppies and to take photo's of their days. But alas their 8 or 9 am feeding on top of the cat just pissed me off so much that i spend as little time as my boredom can afford me with them. Yes they are great but fetch is only so exciting for so long when you're not a dog.

I have also been blasting through a few of my computer games to pass the time, including half life 2 which i have finally gotten around to after all this time. I bought a copy years ago but it was second hand, and hence useless. This perturbed me but recently i found a "hacked" version and have been playing it a lot because i know the original’s off by heart. Okay so i'm cheating, as i usually do but i got scared as i do with half life, then i got over that and got bored, then i reached a point i really couldn't figure my way out of. Which was really annoying. I got passed the supper fast roof-top bouncing zombie's to get eventually to a point that i could get past. Where if i wasn't cheating i would die every few seconds, and i couldn't get out of it. Which just started to really piss me off.

I also shot through Medal of Honour: Allied Assault. Which i never owned back in the day but i borrowed it from Gammaman many a time and i have to say i still love it. Although for the first time i'm playing it without cheats, and i got stuck on a level i didn't remember as well. The second i started it i felt WTF? And the second i was faced with 2 pillboxes and about 10 nazi's while trying to protect a downed pilot. I was bored so did go over it again but if i've done it before i can give it a bash again, even without the cheats...

Why Vampire's rule:

Because they're sexy.

It's pretty simple they are all about sex. And the neck is an erogenous zone, especially on female's but it also exists on male's but that's usually less explored.

Now from Christopher Lee's Dracula to Tom Cruise's Lestat, they're all about sex. In the latter’s case it was surprisingly and subtly about homosexual sex, which is brilliant for movie fan's considering he was obsessed with Brad Pitt. Which give's a new perspective to that 90's classic but it's true.

Now of course vampire's are far more popular in the past year because of Twilight. Now Twilight is good, i love the movie. I love the lust between the two characters. But i hear very bad things about the quality of the writing in the books, which i have yet to get around to. In fact i have to admit is not only do i love the romance and lust between both character's but both a really hot, so that helps.

I have also Discovered the show True Blood, based off of the Sookie Stackhouse saga of vampire stories set in the deep south of america "3 years after vampires come out of the coffin". Now the show isn't perfect. It has a massive lack of continuity, it shouldn't be set with each episode representing a following day or so because there is a lot of inconsistence’s. But the best part of it is the the romance between the Virginal and psychic Sookie Stackhouse and the civil war veteran vampire Bill. The heat of the deep south, the drole of their accents, it's all brilliant. You can almost taste the lust between them. You can feel the heat, less of an emphasis is placed on the vampire being "out of control" and the idea of being bitten is played up more as an exciting taboo. So is the vampire blood itself which is a drug in this world. And a potent one to. It's not a perfect show but i love it. And i just have to mention how hot it is the way they say the main characters name, Sookie Stackhouse. In a southern accent it is just so cool. And she's hot, played by the actress who was the little girl in fly away home and Rouge in the X-Men trilogy. And Bill is played by the brit who was in Ny-Lon, so that's cool to, his accent is flawless as well.

After that i just want to read both the Twilight Saga and the Sookie Stackhouse books. I'm already sure i'll prefare the more adult nature of the Sookie. It's more "sanguine" more visceral. And frankly something you would, ahem, prefere to "sink your teeth into."

The state of nursing in television:

Frankly it doesn't exist. Sure there is nurse's in most hospital shows, and sure there's a few strong characters but there's few if any nursing centric shows. Okay so there was Channel 4's All Saints but that's very NHS and Laddette and frankly just as unrealistic as the under used nurse's on Doctor shows. But thankfully there is good news a foot. With ER gone Hollywood decided to let two Nursing shows pilots to be green lit. "Nurse Jackie" with the woman who was the wife in the sopranos. This one being about a slightly cookie one with the main character having a rather anarchic life and problems and so on. Seemingly you have to be fucked up to matter in hollywood these days. So she juggle's the problems and her job, the usual. The second is "HawthoRNe", see what they did there, RN, Registered nurse, yep a pun. This one star's Mrs Pinkett-Smith,Will Smith's wife. It's a similar idea but the blurb contained the idea of her looking after her staff as well so quite possibly she is a Nurse manager as the american's put it, CNM as i know it and Matron in the carry on films. So it may be different.

2 instance's that annoyed me in tv were the following. The Nurse's strike in Grey's Anatomy which pissed me off to no end. And the idea of a Male Nurse's show in that failed sit-com Joey. Joey turned it down thinking it was ridicules but then it became a hit and he kicked himself over it. It was only a joke but the idea was a good one but it was just thrown away. The strike was bad because it seemed to over emphasise stereotypes of nurse's world wide. The worst instance being Mer (the anoying voice over of a great show) save's a patient in some kind of emergency and a supposed temp nurse who's a student nurse ends up helping her. This temp/student turns out to be a complete bimbo who know's less thant the average tv viewer and was just plain insulting and used for comic affect to make doctor's look cool and smart. Annoying to say the least.

Eh what else. Oh yeh the title. I used some moisturiser and for some reason it dry's up my skin and it itches’ like hell. It started as piz buin sun tan lotion. Then i tried nivea for men to alleviate it, but for some reason it hasn't worked. My face is now constantly either burning a bit or itching like mad.

Oh and i pretty bored an lonely that sucks too.

Same old tune, just not in tune...

Well i have been meaning to write this blog for a few days. It is after all a really really self serving moan bag of a blog. Basically i want to discuss the year (academic) so far and what i've done.


I apologise in advance for negativity, rambling and self-effacing depressive sentence’s and so on. I'm worried about exams, i'm not exactly prepared and doing this seems like a good idea to do because i don't have many people to talk to while i sit here at a computer waiting for my afternoon exam,






In a spring like attempt to lift the mood of this post i will try and keep the description of the year as brief as possible, REMEMBER I SAID "TRY".



So back in 08 during the lack of summer i tried to study for supplemental’s. This was a massive failure on my part. I did little to know work. I avoided the problem. I was terrified, i was obviously not right in the head. Some days i would sit at college computers ALL Day long, without bathroom breaks, and then in pain rush to the bathroom before sulking home and saying very little. My failing was completely my own doing. So was the summer exams that had led to this. I wasn't happy then either and it just continued and continued.

Roll on failure and despite trying to voice how miserable i was my parents put them at financial risk and made me repeat the year. I couldn't do anything else. I couldn't switch course without passing, i have no work experience or want to work low wage unskilled jobs. I also have an unrealistic dream of being a writer or doing something creative. So back in i went. General nursing second year all over again. Lost and upset and now finding myself with a hell of a lot more free time and no friends in my course other than Chatterbox i turned to my old friend Gammaman. Despite an even more gruelling course than mine he had made a life on campus in the society and i put aside my old prejudice at the idea of "campus elitism" (i don't know what that was all about) and signed up. After the Colours debate i was hooked, debating was my new thing. I then in my spare time spent far too long reading newspapers and sitting on those glorious couches’ then wrapping my head around the course work i had done last year and cementing it in my head. I took part in 5 first rounds of the Maiden's competition. This was mostly because of my ever presence there and encouragement from Gentle Ben and curiosity in trying to hone my fledgling skills.

The trip to the republic. That was when the first blog started. I had my thing for Hope and all that. It failed miserably. I did a lot of lonely walking around Cork. The oddest part being liberating a 3 litre bottle of coke for supposed mixed drinks afterwards if necessary. But upon arrival at the hostel the whole Hope thing failed and I-T and her studied for a debate the next day. Jilted, or angry or just plain depressed i walked back to the pub. This didn’t last to long at it was there that i discovered i was the 5th WORST person in the competition. Possibly something to do with my partner being unable to speak english, but still REALLY bad.



Now the first part of the year flew by pretty quick. And i didnt really make any friends amongst the new year, mainly because i had all of 1 tutorial day. There was brief friendship’s during placement and that went well at the time. Daisy being an example of that, and Jade to an extent.

Somewhere during placement i had a slight bit of rekindling friendship with people from my previous year. PG of course being an ever present force in my life. Despite breaking up with her more than a year ago she still talks to me the exact same amount as when we were dating but unable to meet in person. That can suck sometimes. Now in my infinite wisdom i quickly became enamoured with Cleo. She was an enigma that i was very quickly interested in unravelling. And by unravelling i mean both understanding and sleeping with. She was obviously a bit on the oddball side. The quick and honest revelation of Bi-sexuality and partaking or having interest in a swingers party was shocking to say the least. But my LUST moved far to fast. She never saw me the same way and i just got really insane about her. To the extent that i skipped a day of placement after a party in PG's and went to Cleo talking about odd dreams i had and my feelings for her. I sat in her dingy and student grotto flat and slowly went insane. I couldnt stop my thoughts. She wasn't interested in me. She was distant. And yet my mind became disturbed and i had to run. If i didnt i might have assaulted her. I was terrified of my own head and had to leave that mess as fast as possible. And i did.


Then Australia. My sister’s wedding. This was all about the family and my sister. It was a good time had. It was nice to actually experience some summer for once. But i also became very introverted while there. I was after all bored senseless. I spent afternoon after afternoon watching comedy repeats and so on. I followed all the tourist stuff. We popped up to Sydney. There i was possibly even worse. On one occasion in the sweltering heat and bare skin of aussie female's my mind wondered back to similar thoughts as to when sitting in Cleo's flat. Every female that passed me i had flash's in my mind of different acts and so on. It was terrifying. As soon as i could i separated myself from my parents and hoped on the monorail. iPod and McD milkshake weren't enough. So adult magazine, curtens closed. And i guess that helped. I then took to the swimming pool in the building we were in several times. Back for the wedding and so on i still wasn't right. I wrote one or 2 blogs, but i was still alone, still barely saying a word every day. Even at the wedding i didn't dance. I sat at my table for most of the time. Reluctantly at that but i felt paralysed with negative thoughts and so on and i just felt awful.

It didn't improve when i got home. Back into study. Well i tried. I missed my first day back and did a mini-IV in the society. Joker's IV was great fun. But without a partner i dummied just as a helping hand. I wasn't exactly in the right state of mind to talk for 10 minutes on my own 5 times but some how i did it. I contributed fuck all to most arguments and especially the last one i just felt useless. It was anything but fun but the finale was amazing and i loved it, i did have fun, of sorts. Due to a mix up over my timetable i missed some lectures that day. The next day reading the Guardian i spoke with Chatterbox and realised i had class's to get to. Then the whole Daisy thing. I had grabbed a spoon as i put it before Christmas. Hoping that this girl that seemed like a perfect match, a possible sure thing, would actually be interested in seeing me. It was not to be, she had to study. So did eye but when i spent the best part of 2 months including her in the odd fantasy in my head it pretty much hurt.

My second placement was far more lonely. I spilled to my CPC that i wasn't really happy, with my course or in general. I went through several avenue's to get help and so on. I was also sick a lot. This was to do with my water bottle, stress, the wet winter and mental health. I still have a weak to pay back thanks to that. The second placement within that placement was better, i was getting back on form. I had gone through several counselling sessions and other discussions and felt i could get on top of study and get through the year....

This of course didn't happen. My study routine didn't materialise as i had planed. I became very involved in the society. First was the Youngling debate. I had seen the request by Lenn for the younglings to get Gammaman something. Gammaman is one of my oldest friends, he has inadvertently helped me through rough times several times. The school play in transition year, the choir in 5th year/chicago trip(nothing to do with him but similar spirit) and now the Society. So i took charge of that little quest. The discussion had fizzled out so i rallied the troops so to speak and tried to get shit done. It wasn't exactly working but eventually on the day of the debate Boop and Nordie 2 helped out. I was suffering from yet another cold. I was running on caffeine and drugs. I chronicled this in a previous post but i ran around like a mad thing for most of that day. I was sick and i still did it, like being a nurse i did all these things even with or without thanks. I also fluffed my "privileged" motion to give Gammaman his gift. I did that for him to show my thanks and the younglings thanks. This was in spite of the fact i was giving more to the society than i was getting back. Thanking Gammaman more than i needed to since i didnt even get a 21st birthday present from him, but i did it anyway.

I coasted along through lectures and mediocre study for the following weeks. I also continued to spend far too long in the society. The football match and then the elections and the initial steps for the Star Trek outing. I took some photo's for the match and had a good time. Although i wasn't that sociable and that pissed me off, i couldnt think of much to say, at all. I also couldn't make it to Boops house party because of circumstance being the real bitch. DS being stuck in town and Gammaman never being able to accommodate anyone at short notice. Then the election trail. I forged my friendship with Dona and that was good. Even came up with the Trek thing, although eventually that turned out to just be me.

Then the election. What had i put myself in for. It was harrowing. And i didn't even vote for myself. I had done so much for the Society and loved what i was doing. I knew, if i made it to next year, and if i was elected, i would be very Busy. Percy pulled this out of me and did seed doubts in my mind. It also highlighted how much i was there in the society but not exactly as well know as other people. I have many an acquaintance but not so many friends. I didn't vote for myself. Hence i lost. It hurt, it really hurt. But i still stuck around. I still popped over at lunch and still read newspapers. I also organised the cinema trip, despite the turn out i eventually got i was still happy i had gotten that to even happen.


Study. Wow. Eh. Yikes. Yeah, i need to study now. Exams haven't been too peachy so far. I answered a question on Diabetic Ketoacidosis without mentioning Insulin. I technically killed a patient with a fluffed and misguided line about a glucose iv. Yep i don't know how i did that but i did. I feel like an idiot and a failure. I have GIT and Liver stuff today. I have to cram that now. I hope. I should.

Study plan for the summer i think :-(

Spicy potato wedges and a yoghurt

An entirely random title i know but that's the odd pile of rubbish from some studious person's bizarre lunch. Yep you know it's exam season when student type food is left as rubbish on top of tower shaped computers and left forgotten. 1.99 for spicy wedges in centra, not exactly cost affective. Any REAL student would be aware of 1.87 or so sandwich's of the week in londis. I was lucky in that mine wasn't "in the system", so the till operator keyed in a price of 1.77 instead of looking at the mirrored number's on the poster stuck to the front window. RESULT! Well not really. I also went all the way to eason's just to get a cheap SPARE pencil for my exam. 25 cent for one with a rubber on top. Reads of Nassau street, wanted to charge 1.49 for a plain pencil of the same graffite shade that is the standard HB. Reads, of Nassau street, can fuck themselves:-p!!!


Now my exam is in an hour, just around the corner actually. I've looked over stuff, i'm not in my usual forced exam confidence mode but i am trying. Let's hope things go well. I'll save this as a draft to give both sides of the same story for today and recent events.

Following this blog i also intend a blog on recent pop culture occurrence's that i have been stock piling in a to-blog list. No seriously, it's on my scribble paper under my keyboard on my desk at home. Along with ruff sketches of space ships, various doodles and intricate plans for train networks and world conquest.





A word to my readers and a retrospective look at my blog in general:

Well last weeks only published entry really pissed me off. On one hand it was an efficient use of my mobile phone. On the other it was a mental rant with frequent grammar and spelling mistakes and a narrative mindset that disturbed me, a lot. Basically i was pissed with that blog. I could have corrected it but i just didn't like it so i moved on. Hidden in the bowels of this account is also a massive rant about star trek vs star wars that isn't very coherent or finished, but i hope to fix it up with some facts and proper analyses. Wookiepedia and Memory Alpha being very important for that....

Readership wise. Well my anonymity system isn't exactly that anonymous. After all i publish this via a feed onto my facebook so it is easy enough for my friends and acquaintance's to get a-hold of it and figure stuff out. That really is of no consequence but it does sometimes seem mute or pointless. Even with a "key" bluetaced to my desk to remind me of the most commonly used nicknames i still don't understand why i even bother with the system sometimes. But i will never remove it, i like it and will forge ahead regardless. I also have to note that despite only finding 2 comments now i never realised that i actually have readers, woohoo, dances. I apologise then to them for last weeks blog, for rants here and there and for not posting in blog format all the time. That will come later today or whenever in the form of my "pop-culture" blog.


This is more of a self-serving diary blog post for now.



Bodly going back to the final frontier:

As planed i dragged society people and college friends too star trek. I had been planing it for weeks. Hell it was originally an off the cuff idea from Dona. Somehow i carried it, and carried it and it was an event none-the-less. I even had custard cream's that cost all of 39 cent, economic baby! Unfortunately the crowd wasn't what i had planed and there was still a sizable amount of us, 7 in total. But with the irish contingent and those not crippled all studying or apprehensive about upcoming torture sessions it was left to just the small group to enjoy the movie. No additional night or any such as originally planed, just a movie. Pity. Apollo however has expressed interest in going after exams so i "could" in theory press gang the rest of people to go as an after exam thing, or i could plan something for the summer. I have been toying with the idea of a party at mine for ages, just the logistics are difficult. And my parents being away the week after exams i still would have NO way of getting people to my little corner of the styxx.


I was thinking of a "who are my friends" rant or a bitch session but i think i'll leave that be. Most of it is really more up to me etc. I "have" to be more assertive, make myself noticed, so on and so forth. But then again it was painful trying to organise shit over recent months with little enthusiasm or co-operation coming back at me. But i did it anyway. Had to restrain a bitchy rant there too....


It's 30 minutes to my exam. I shall pause this blog post for now...






Phew wow, that wasn't so hard after all. Good work.

50 mcq's in a 2 hour exam. Was finished at one hour 25 minutes or so. So not to bad.




Pop culture blog now included; I was not going to do it, then i was, then i wasn't, then it was going to be separate at some arbitrary point in the future, then i was going to put it on hold, now i'll just bloody do it!


A black james bond, SAY WHA!:

Where the hell did this BS come from? African-American and British actors all being tipped to play the first "black james bond". Since when was the first Blond Bond looking for work? Daniel Craig is doing a good job, whats with this over PC media garbage of African-American' pining for a job they could NEVER do!

Here are the candidate's and what i think about them.


Will Smith:

From The Learning Curve

Who:We all know Will.
Why: He's a massive star. He also has box office pulling power even with awful movies, ie Hancock and ?? Pounds.
Why not: He's a massive star anyway, he doesn't need bond.


Sean "P Diddy" Combes

From The Learning Curve

Who: Entrepreneur, rap artist, producer, millionaire playboy.
Why: He's a bit up himself and has loads of money, he also wants to be more famous.
Why Not: He has very limited acting chops and is just in it for the fame.


Jamie Fox:

From The Learning Curve

Who: A very talented Actor and occasional singer, see Collateral and Ray.
Why: He's a real actor, a good one, and he's apparently "cool".
Why not: He's just another fame seeker. Sure he's good but he's better than an action star and probably incapable of being british or afro-carribean enough.


Idris Elba:

From The Learning Curve

Who: Idris Elba. Yep i don't know either. He was in The Wire for an influential run, got killed or something, people love him is all i know.
Why: He's actually british, is apparently really good and has been mentioned in as in the "running" for james bond.

Colin Salmon:

From The Learning Curve

Who: Colin Salmon, one of those secondary actors you always recognise. He has actually been in at least 2 bonds as an MI6 agent as well as many shows.
Why: He's a good actor, british and has actually been in Bond Films.
Why Not: He's been in Bond films, hence he is not Bond.

Chiwetel Ejiofor

From Actors and celebs

Who: Chiwetel Ejiofor. Really good actor, the role I know him best for is The Operative in Serenity. I can't say his name but he is very good.
Why: He's british (sort of), he's really good, he could do with being a star....
Why not: He's a good actor, not really an action type actor and he's a bit older and a bit to ethnic afro-british to be considered.



Basically the American contenders are all stupid ideas. The british are more likely but they are also slightly pointless. There is no need for a "black" Bond. We still have the Blond Bond. Maybe a spin-off if the PC brigade are that pushed, bloody reverse media nazi's, know nothing about realistic film making, this is Bond after all.....


In other news my abi-stance is waning. I have started to consider several possibilities. I will elaborate futher at some other point.




Video of the blog:

Green Day -Know your Enemy live at abbey road:

Memory lane via memory road, avenue and street.

Wow what a day. Okay so i had some, "some", productivity or work to be proud of or at least work in the morning. But after that well i did what i usually do in certain situation's i avoided it. By avoiding it i escaped down memory lane by walking extensively around Dublin for more than 2 hours. Yep, i have the blisters to proove it, and probably bodily odour to...



Let's see where did my fabled journey begin.... Ah yes. Nassau street, leaving Trinity and popping into spar. No beggar but i'll get back to this. This Spar unfortunatly was out of Blue bear so on to the other one on Lower grafton street. This being the only part of grafton street that alows car's any more and isn't really a street but more a large bus stop and taxi rank that's a slip road off of the tiny area that is College Green(shockingly with no green at ground level). So it was on to that other spar. And lo and behold there was the Beggar who most frequently sits at the other spar. Now he was there last friday anyway and his face is increasingly familiar so i'll just say he's usually there... 2 blue bear for 1 euro. An australian tellar i think. No chit chat of course. I rarely do, that and i had 21st Century Breakdown blaring in one ear and would let it go. It's had at least 3 plays today and it takes nearly an hour. It's also not out till friday here, so god bless piracy.

Onward to college green. There was blue balloons at the bank for some reason. Not much to celebrate in this day and age.. Saw that cuveted white laptop again, so pretty "only" €399.

This be it:

From Blogger Pictures

So the plan for my walking was to go all the way to camden street and buy popcorn kernels for a euro. I found out they were a euro in this particular health shop last year when i switched to meteor on my old phone, ill fated idea but saved a lot of money if not stumbled my fledgling new social life. So instead of turning at George's street as one would normally do i turned at central bank and past the "Bankers" pub and up past laser. I was heading for the "mercer's" junction beside the old hospital. I didn't exactly know where mercer's street ended up so i planed to walk as far as it went and cut across to the extensive mass of what i colloqually call "Camden street" despite several street's making up it's length. In the middle of mini-temple bar i spotted an "antique" gallary. Intrigued i stepped in to have a mosey. It turns out this was part of the Powerscourt centre that i had only discovered on friday, it's just the back of it. Some really interesting item's there. Like these two camera's:


Old style cam corder for the real enthusiast:

From Blogger Pictures

And a classic extending lense type camera, i haven't a clue what it's called but it kicks ass:

From Blogger Pictures

Then exiting onto the other side of the centre i waled up towards the "mercer's" junction beside the hospital and at the back of the St Stephen's green centre. I cut down the street with Mao's and notice the red building was apparently DIT's music campus, interesting. Then up Mercer's street where i saw this interesting shop:

From Blogger Pictures

It was just on it's own in a block in an alley way with a few garage's. A nice little nook beside the Corpo flat's with a newer development just behind me.


Past the Corpo appartment blocks. Relics of the 60's and 70's but in good nic. Cleaned up from the last recession by the look of things. Then i end up on that avenue that leads into St Stephens Green South and i now knew the extent of Mercer's street. Instead of turning left at the bike shop on "camden street" i walked further west. A lot of these shops were ethnic or closed and the gaggle's of people passing were either football loving type stocky male's or innercity immigrant's with the odd student. Past DIT's main building i turned left. This is now the sight of an Optician centre. When i was a kid the footpath was thiner and a newsagent's was there. I remember it well because i lost my sister's favourite teddy bear there. Mr Lion. I took him into the shop and left him in the milk cabinet and then got into the car not realising. When my sister asked where he was my dad went back in. It had been maybe 10 minutes and somehow the bloody thing was gone! I was only 5 or so a the time and to this day i don't know how or why someone would steal a damaged bear that was sitting in a milk cabinet amoungst the butter and 2 litre bottle's. I'm still in trouble for that one....


After that i stopped outside the Meath hospital to find out that it was the Meath hospital. I knew it was some sort of medical facility but i hadn't a clue what it was. I still don't actually know what they do there but now i know where it is... I turned left onto a street just opposite the Hospital and saw yet another DIT campus and the what was either the back of the main one or a 2nd one opposite the other. I then saw the oddest little "park" which was actually a former church and it's graveyard. Interesting history but slightly disturbing that it was basically chock full of catholics and DIT student's, local's and a few business types were eating lunch ON GRAVES. This street according to Google Maps is Camden Row. I then crossed the street and entered a Wholesale warehouse. Basically a supply store for newsagent's and other business's. A large pack of 30 or so 500ml coke bottles for 13.99 which seemed good enough. I scouted around inside but unfortunatly couldn't find Jolt Cola amoungst the shelves, pity.

Then out again on this whistle stop exploration and i recognised where i was. This was the back of the place where Emily played their last gig. For the life of me i can't remember the name of it, the Village or something, i don't really care. But the graffiti in the alley way had changed and these two mural's where there:

From Blogger Pictures

I couldn't capture all of that one but it was interesting none-the-less.

From Blogger Pictures

Who says graffiti can't be educational....


Then onto the real Camden street. In fact according to google maps this stretch is neither "lower" Camden street nor "upper" Camden street, its an in-between sort of area. I eventually found the shop i was looking for. The secondary door was locked. In the main door then. OH dear god no. Health freak yuppies. Nearly 20 of them queueing orderly in the middle of a very narrow shop. I wanted to jump through the crew and dip down into the secondary part of the shop, ye know get my popcorn... It took a few annoyed minutes at the mass that was the crowd. I then got down there and found the popcorn pretty quickly. But to my annoyance the price displayed on the pack i first picked up was €1.12. No fair. I then rummaged at the other pack's and there it was at the front a pack that said €0.96!!!!!!! Thank feck for consumer law's! I remember both from my business teacher and my english teacher that Ireland was very fortunate to have this great rule where you have to pay the cheaper display price if you can find it on the shelf and prove it to the people at the till. It's just wonderful. Weary of the bar code and all i said fuck it, i knew that law. I get to the till. Both cashiers wearing head scarf's and dungarees, what kind of health food shop was this, a authentic one? God forbid. And after seeing business people struggle to find small change and hand over 20's and 50's instead of small change for organic roll's i rocked up to the counter. Hand the lady the bag of Popcorn Kernel's and she just looks at the price and typed 9 6 into the till. I fork over 1 gold and silver coin and get a couple of coppers back. Good times.



Now in my infinite wisdom i saw the green dome of Rathmines. Would i do it... Yes i would. So i waled into the 'Bello. And amongst some sorry abandoned sites in the heart of the cities centres outer edge i saw this shame of a building. Such a waste, the shutter to the right used to be a very small pet shop at that.

From Blogger Pictures

Over the canal there was no direct crossing to the main rathmines road. Also aware that it was house's for most of the way i cut left. I then took the first road to the right. I knew this small road well. I used to walk parts of it to go to school when i lived in Rathgar as a kid. Inspired i though why don't i look for that old Tram yard that the Corpo dumptrucks used to sit. First i saw this great Stenciled graffiti, pure class:

From Blogger Pictures

Seeing postmen go up and down, cars narrowly pass each other i finally got to the old tram yard. This was a depot when trams were the thing in Dublin. Rathmine's was the outskirts when this was built now it's an inner city village just a few minutes over the city boundary that is the Grand Canal. It hasn't changed too much since i was a kid it's still a Corpo place for rubbish, but now more of a recycling and brink centre. Also the ground was re-tarmacked to handle the enviro-conscious traffic. This meant that the tram tracks were no longer vissable. There was a few left when i was a kid in a short stretch with cobble stones, all gone now. I then emerged out of an alleyway in front of the Libary as the clock struck 2. Into the oxfam shop for a quick mosey i saw a box set of Star Trek movies in VHS format, it was also such a small set that i guessed it had to have been at least older than 1997 so probably no First Contact, and thankfully no Nemesis but at least Insurrection was a fun double episode type romp.... Into the swan centre, damn it's barely changed. And Dunnes Stores, it has the same layout as the last time i was there, well almost the same. I think i was 13 or so the last time i was there. The cheapest item i could find, 2 litre's of water for 30 cent!!!!!! Next cheapest was St Bernard custard creme's for 39 cent, i almost bought them at that! Leaving the centre i realised how small it was. But the shoe shop where my childhood school shoe's and runner's with those stomp lights were bought. The cobbler's was also in the same place. Then as i faced east looking on towards Ranelagh i made another split decisions, Rathgar!

My old home, i was going to look at my old house. So i did it, i waled on. More and more conscious of the time i ruled out a whistle stop visit to the dodder park or even the old "family" garage on the Orwell road. So up to the Rathgar part of the Upper Rathmine's road. At the little village there i saw a great sight. The gender confused Lateshopper/Am Pm had finally returned to being a Lateshopper. But as i reached the corner, a mild shock. The old car dealership that i think may have belonged to the father of a guy in my school was sold. It was now a supper massive Centra that wasn't even open! That's the modern age for ya. Reaching my old road Villiers road i desided to head down the back alleyway which connect to all the garage's to see if i could figure out which house was mine. Didn't quiet work though. I then walked back up the street and found it. The large red brick of the particular turn of the century house that was mine in my childhood. I took a photo with my phone to document how it had changed but to "protect" the current residents, the people who ripped up our decking and cut down our Eucalyptus tree, i won't post it.

I then went to my old childhood newsagent The Villiers. Ah the memories. A great story of how at about 4 my sister once asked for a reciept when buying pennysweets and gobstoppers. Or the time when i said to my dad i would be a minute while he waited in the car and i spent 10 minutes trying to buy as much sweets as possible with around 30 pence. The interior had changed. But the store seem'd the same. It wasn't as cramped and it was still child aimed. Toys on one side and a great selection of pennysweets and shite on the other. I ran through what change i had. Very little, i could have barely gotten those Custard creme's if i had wanted them. I settled on a refressher bar, for the sentiment. 25 cent, it used to be what 10p for the small one maybe 20 for the long stick, good value!

On down past "Hall's" (trinity's home away from campus for culchies and 1st years), and past Palmerston Park and onto Palmerston Road. I could have gone into or around the park to Temple road but i didn't, after all getting the Luas at "Alex" would have brought back so many memories that it would take up half the blog.... So i walked on certain that my sense of direction would either take me down to the road between Rathmines and Ranelagh or weave me through the estate's and to the Cowper Luas stop. I weaved. This took a while. Amazing massive houses, upper middle class. Tree's galore, petal's gushing all around in the brisk breeze and clear sky. Just as i was beginning to fear i had gotten myself lost i reached my Old gp's office. And right to the right of there was Cowper. I sat at the Luas stop. I was knackered!!! I took some swigs of my water, it had been at least 2 hours since i had had most of the Blue bear. At this stage i could already feel blisters too. With not a penny to my name and a packed luas passing me i cross the tracks and affirmed my theories about my ware abouts. The house's behind cowper weren't that far from Sandford. I had walked it once before when the choir had to go to Alex during the day time and we didn't have money to get the luas. So i said feck it, i'll avoid the fine's anyway. So i got into ranelagh.


Ah my spiritual home. I spent most of my life going to school in this area it was as if i lived there. I popped into the Twin's in the Orchard, i think i got the good one, no sign of Mr Evil. With all of 18 cent in copper i got some pennysweets, oh the memories. I also spotted the new gym in sandford, me and gammaman had only visited in November and it wasn't even under construction but even during the recession it was now finished. GO PRIVATE SCHOOL MONEY!

From Blogger Pictures

Walking into the "village" things had changed. The "bus stop" newsagent's at the bus stop was now a new hair dressers. The chew n chat pizza place which had been there since my childhood was you guessed it, another hairdressers! I was shocked, the ill-fated and health risking bureito's and blue's was still sitting there unused and rusting while good 'ol chew and chat became one of 4 hairdressers in a village full of café's? The order of café's had also changed. Some hands, some style and in the case of Mint the michellen star restaurant, Bankrupt. I crossed the 1st triangle and an odd new monument was there with a bicycle buried in under glass and lights. For some charitable person or something. Eager to find out the fate of the old McD's sight i was shocked when i walked in and found it was a bizare bastardised new extension of the centra next door. This was just plain weird. I remember going there for a breakfast with some of the stoners after the 4th year school play's massive piss up and first time i drank. I also remember lunch during the leaving cert getting a happy meal for the craic. The worst McD's in Dublin and it was now a massive centra?


The leaving to my shock across the road a former and infamously bad pub was now a "trendy" superquinn with a café front elevated above the street with glass box windows. I rested for a bit in the park behind the luas. Then read an interesting fact file about a balloon lunch there in the 19th century. I then hopped on the luas and back into town.


To paraphrase The big bang theory "as with real estate voiding is all about location location location." This is in reference to the fact that i've gotten used to using the bathroom in the Gimby. Even if i wasn't sure if it was "open" or not i still went there. On my way out i ran into Nordie2 and explained my walk. I then hit up the laser huts and checked my emails and started to draft this blog. On my way i saw people in scholarly robe's playing frizbee in the sun on the cricket pitch, what an odd day.



I've got a couple of blisters, probably over worked my unfit muscles, and possibly got a slight tan. The forecast is good for tomorrow which means it's going to be a bitch to study. But I REALLY HAVE TO. I see my good camera beside me and my last batteries, i will save them however, i could go a wondering again but i won't, i mustn't i'd be mad.....

Toodle's, blog type blog soon. I intended to include more personal history but it would have made this even longer, be thankful for that at least!