She was the first person i ever became obsessed about. And despite it all being a rather dark story it also was a learning experiance.
I never met her in person, and sometimes i don't know if she existed or not. But she was influencial in my life and i will discribe all i know about her.
First off i will describe what i first wrote about her in a diary back in 2004.
I will edit, censor, and abridge that entry as her real name and another person are mentioned throughout.
23rd Of October, 2004. (5th year, now living in Louth at this stage.) I was still 16. Some of my views are not what i believe now.
I keep this as brief as possible.
...I met Lore on the web and from the get go she was beyond doubt every mans wet dream, a nymph basically. She was 14 and extremely horny
and instantly said she liked me and on the second day we talked she wanted to meet up with me. Que the bank holiday Monday.
I was sick that day but still went into town, i was stood up, stayed in town for ages cause i was so sick in my stomach
that i didn't feel like going home just yet. Then i complained to all my contacts and sent a email to her asking why and all this
shit. Someone apparently pretending to be her said it was all a set up and all this, and i was really upset. Then latter in
that week she came online and didn't know anything about it and she gave this story of how her mom caught her trying to leave
the house in really skimpy cloths and that she was grounded. The supposed pranksters were cousin's she told about our meeting. I had pics of her and she encouraged me to use them to jack off to and all this stuff, and things continued for ages and i kept boasting about her to all the girls i knew on the internet except "Rose".
Then came the second time we where supposed to meet up but the week before we were to meet up i hadn't heard from her in ages.
I remember feeling alone and desperate and wondering what had happened to her.And then after sports day i got an email from her and she said that she had been grounded by her mom for two weeks because her mom had caught her kissing a girl. She said that she must have gotten the idea of the web and she wasn't aloud use it. I don't know if any of all this was true but she always said she hated her mom. Even now part's of that seem doubtful.
Then after ages and ages we arranged another meeting this time for the square Tallaght and by this time it was the summer. I
had given her a really shit pic of myself on the last day of school and i had a few more of her that where really hot.
She asked for me to get a camera for when we where to meet up so that she could have a topless pic of herself and us together
and all this idea's. Right my excuse for the Uci in Tallaght was i was going to see The most recent Harry pothead movie
with a few guys from school and my Dad dropped me off there. I waited for ages and looked in all the bathrooms for a condom machine
and i had to buy them in Boots and i bought a disposable camera. She never turned up and she had said she would be in a red
top and white skirt or the other way round i cant remember, i was really angry and i got the 75 home.
Lore had said we where going to go to her house in Naas and do it on her moms bed. Do it hopefully a few times and she would show me all the cloths she had and all this stuff that seemed beyond perfect, beyond the best i could ever wish for. The whole time i had spells of thinking
it was all fake and all this and even Now after i was stood up for kind of the third time i went home and wrote a email of anger to her.
Now i sent a couple of emails of anger to Lore and then after like a week she sent me an email saying that she had had an argument with her mom and said she was going out to get laid and her mom sent the Guards after her and all this shit. She also said it wasn't going to work and we should move on and so i agreed to it. I was really upset and sent a email or two again and she said a few weeks later that she was with someone else her age and
they had done it and it hurt her to see an email from me and all this stuff so i deleted her and her pics.
A week or two latter i sent a large poem and email to her explaining how i felt and i never got a response.
Still to this day i don't know if it was all fake all i know is i want to send her another email saying that we could give it another shot and forget all the fuck ups before and all this shit, but if i did that i'd be messing around with all
my options ... in the near future or any girl from the choir. All i know is all
this shit with Lore are going to set my standards for life on how i'll go about any relationship.
End.
The Next occurrence:.
All of Fifth year went buy with her somewhere in the back of my mind. A longing of "What If?"
I had long since deleted her email. Living in Louth for the first couple of years i didn't have internet connection. Every Wednesday, my schools half day, i would wait for the 3.20 Enterprise from Connolly in order to get home. I would wait in a little grotty Internet Café nestled under the Loop Line Viaduct on Talbot Street mere metre's away from Connolly and Amiens Street.
I used this to stay in touch with SOME of my internet contacts. Especially my good Friend Rose.
At Some stage in early 6th Year i started sending emails to her again. After some trial and error i had RE-remembered her email. And on one occaision i attempted to hack into her email.
However i stumpled to correctly guess the answers to TWO security questions.
What is her Grand-dads name?
And what WAS the name of her Baby.
Yeah that one got me thinking. I got me worried. I discussed it with Rose in my neurotic way.
Eventually Lore responded. She saw several email's from me from a long period of time. I had never given up obviously, being the fool i am.
This response was the first of many but it was the next one that was the most telling.
She discribbed the time since our brief internet corrispondance. It would be farcical to call it a relationship or friendship.
She told me of how she partied a few time's. Slept with at least one other guy who was awful in bed after the friend she had previously mentioned.
But she was never really happy. She mentioned how she still felt a fondness for me as a friend and a good guy and so on, if not a TAD creepy.
She then discribed how she babysat for her Mother's Sister. She slowly developed a relationship with her Aunt's husband. She end up sleeping with him.
She said she enjoyed it. She liked the affair at the time. She even quoted something like 47 times that she had sex with him in his car.
It turns out it was all unprotected. And she fell pregnant.
Her mother was obviously not happy. But she never told her how.
She then LOST the child. At age 16 or so she miscarried. The second she was pregnant the Husband had distanced himself from her.
She never told her mother.
She then became closer to her mother and started going to therapy. Something about how she let people use her and all this. She never described the Psycho-analysis very well. And frankly at the time i didn't have much of a clue either, passed a self-informed guess.
She then confidently came out to her mother that she was A Lesbian. Her mother for once was finally accepting after recent events and she was proud of her daughter.
She met someone and was still in a relationship with her at that time.
For months up untill my Joining college i kept in contact with her. She had become a close re-newed friend and i had very little feelings left for her.
There was a brief bebo comment a short while before my debs and around the time i was starting my first year of college:
lore:
hey *insert name here* baby.
sorri i havent bin in contact. a lots bin happenin in mi life hunni. mail me n ill tell ya all da scandalous goings on. like ur in college now? wat u doin? wat college? hope ur gettin it reglar hunni. mail me soon.
Lorr, da weird bitch xoxoxo
What Shocked me about this was that it was the first time her grammar and spelling had degraded to text speek. When we met in a chat room, when we exchanged emails, for the first instance it was all normal words. Even our friendship emails were well worded. The last time's i talked to her however were all like this.
Then in 2nd year of college, the first 2nd year that is. When i was in my relationship with PG i mentioned her to Lore and described out first sexual encounters.
I thought the email or the email after it survived to this day but it doesn't. Which i pretty shocked about, and yet also proud.
Basically i mentioned the first time PG and myself did it. And how i was "in love" with her and so on and that i was finally happy. I was no longer a fridget or a virgin and it had all happened quickly.
Lore responded that she was happy for me. She also told me that sex would get better with time. The first few encounters with PG were perfect for her, but i couldn't get much out of it with a Condom and it took a while to be satisfied etc. I basically had longer staying power and she was hyper sensative leading to multiple orgasms which tired her long before i was ever able to finish.
Lore also said she was happy with her Girlfriend and was now living with her somewhere i Dublin. I never found out where.
I sent another email while still with PG asking more questions about sex and relationships and also as part of Joint curiosity on a part of PG and myself if Lore knew any Girls willing to part take in a threesome at some far off point in the future. I never heard back from her.
And eventually PG and myself realised we were becoming miserable together. The sex did get better, the relationship got worse, and our last encounter int he bed department was the most reluctant and wasteful experiance we had together.
Lore Cross's my mind from time to time. How can she not. I wonder how she is getting on with her life. If she's still with the same girlfriend etc. Despite limited contact though the years i valued her friendship at times. I would love to have met her in real life. To have her as a friend.
I have always had an affinity for Lesbian's or bisexual girl's. They are basically Guy's when you discuss sex, and because they are girl's it's easier to do so.
This is one thing that i found interesting about Cleo. I could share a lot with her. I share NONE of that with my Male friends. Gammaman, DS and 20Cent know nothing of my exploits, embarrisment's, failure's, strike out's and rejection. But it has always been easier to share such things with girls, Lesbians and bisexual's especially because they are more interested in their sexuality and more willing to share intimate feelings and interests.
PG was NEVER a talker. Despite always talking to her in some form she never discussed her feelings or what was going on her head. I ALWAYS talk about what's going on in my head. And i long for someone while listen and share with me. Someone will discuss everything imaginable with me.
My good old internet friend Rose was like that. And as she got old she also shared explicit stuff back to me in return. However i have lost contact with her and it's a shame. She's somewhere in North Carolina, but i haven't talked to her for a long time. She and I also have a "marraige" pact that if neither of us our settled by 35 that we get together. It's doubtful we'll ever see that through however.
Well there you have it folks. The story of Lore. From my past self. Her very words. And my own retrospect.
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