Friday, December 26, 2008

1.5 weeks in australia, 2 or so to go.

So here i am, on the otherside of the planet. Its the height of summer, im not upside-down and it isnt exactly swealtering heat every day. Oh by the way, its steal a world wide pagan holiday related season season. Ye know, Mithras day, and the winter solstace and that loose conection between the birth of the lords sun and a magic man replacement of a turkish saint. Which is really different down here, for one theres fuck all chance of snow!

So im here at christmas for my sisters wedding. I havent really thought about it but i am happy for her, and i like her significant other and wish them many happy returns and all that. And the country and holiday are great, i cant really complain about them. The Prison city has been a highlight but im loving Molboro, trams are everywhere, i LOVE trams!

The one thing i have been a bit annoyed with is i have been a bit grumpy and depressed and sometimes manic. But it has passed now and then etc. I have been pretty lonely etc. Sure im with my family etc but its still lonely. Cant help but think of home and different possibilities and failures with girls, and for the moment they're not important but they still hang over my warped psyche. Verryberry, Hope and daisy all coming to mind but i have mainly kept sane;-ish with regards women. But considering the summer heat and the hot people its not exactly easy to forget how miserable not having a partner appears to make me. I may be miserable in general but im a sex obbsessed depressed young man, of course its going to seem semi-important to have a partner. And with my sister getting married and a friend of the family just getting engaged, like a gay man or an olde dear, it actually makes me sad that i have no one. Damn, that sounds bad, i think.... But hopefully when i come out of this at the other end things kick off for at least one of my possibilities. But most likely and most hopefully that possibility is Daisy. She has been in and on my mind and i have high hopes for anything that could happen there.

The Coast Drive:
What a day. Amazing views, warm weather, and less foot room than a flight. The Whole family inlaws to be and all took a trip along the great "ocean" road. We saw loads of great beaches, rain forrests, expensive houses, sang christmas songs off key and had picknicks with gala's and seagul's. We also saw the 12 appostle's, a series of large seastacks along the coast. And a blow hole and its conntecting inlet. There was an interesting legend of a ship that crashed along that coast and A LOT of tourists. Infact my bro-inlaw to be actually ran into the same couple at almost evey single stop. Pretty funny if you think about it, but it is after all a popular route, and beautiful, it was worth it.

The prison city:
Ah 3 or so days there was great. It was amazing. We stayed in an appartment on 35 floor of a residential tower/skyscraper and it was great. The views were fantastic. We could even see the harbour bridge, or at least part of it. We spent a lot of time down at the harbour watching the ferries from the many restaurants or walking aroundthe amazing opera house. And it really is a breath taking building. Its a triumph of engineering and making the docks more than just a transport hub obviously does wonders for the city. Got burnt by the sun there but it was still great. I used the swimming pool in the residential building too which was handy, but i cant really swim so i spent a lot of time in the hottub instead. The food was also amazing there and i have to say i enjoyed it. And with all the hot weather, all the hot people. It was a lot of temptation i have to say. You certainly dont get that kind of parade of people in our fair isle, sure our lassies are attractive also, but so little clothing on a regular basis, it'd never happen! On the last night me and the parentals had a 7 course meal on a luxury resturaunt boat that toured Sydney Harbour and it was just amazing. On a par with the penthouse party after the Prez got his shizzle self into the Honky House. After that we left back for Molboro for the eve of the eve.

Christmas Down Under:
Wow, tis the season to sweat like a mutated pig with added sweat glands and gorge yourself on large christmas-esque diners. The whole sense from my parentals is that they dont have a concrete plan from day to day but we get by. Sydney was great, and we didnt see everything but we also didnt get any shopping in. So basically our main present for ourselves was being here and visiting sydney. But i completly understand it. I dont really care about presents, my 21st is a mother away anyway! I can demand stuff then(Insert Evil laugh) But im fine with it and christmas at the inlaws was great. The children are amazing and other than the diner it was more their day then any of ours. And of course with this holiday, economic crises, more limited income, and of course my dreaded college fee's, its not likely we can afford much anything. I enjoyed it anyway and today we had a more home-like diner ourselves so it was all gravy, so to speak.

Eh... I could rant on further or in more detail about stuff. But i dont really want to moan or be a grumpy olde sod. I mainly just want to talk about my mental health or the greatness of transport in this country, so actually not really anything anyone would like to read about. I will have more in future as the stag and hen nights aproach and of course more wedding gossip and so on...

Tuddles for now peeps.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Porky's, Socialist leanings and the buzz loike.

Oh what an odd week that this is. The cold, the fracking cold! I know its winter, but dear speheghetti monster its cold! Climate change, changing every fracking week! Frost everymorning instead of the good frost at night on itv3, SHAME! That and AGA toast every morning, i know we have loads of cereal, and aga toast is great, but damn is it really neccissary to have that quick of a breakfast every day? It cooks in like 30 seconds on the hot ring, no toaster can boast-er that!

Fan vs Excriment, the eternal battle:
So, eh, i guess i should probably mention the whole getting in trouble thingy. Well, i didnt, of sorts. Had to have a meeting. And basically my mental problems and dissatifaction, and depression and other d words helped me get off slightly lightly. Now i dont really mean it as getting off. Its more, i have a lot of problems and need to seek help. Otherwise ill find the course difficult and fail again. Which is very true. My study is minimal to non-existant. My extra-curricular study for placement, as always, is non existant. Infact at this very moment i should be working on my portfollio. I have done the initial work, finding research based articles, but other than that, im lazy TE fuck!

Ross-ing it up:
{ In honor of recently reading the bible too the south side, i will talk about my current placement in a slightly Dort speak manner...}

So this week im in out-patients roysh, and its pretty focking boring to say the least. Lioke im there for five days, and lioke in a different place each day, its mental. The nurse's im with arent half bad though, not a bad boat on any of them. Now on lioke the first day i was in the deep end, stoma's. There like so rank. But being a guy i was lioke so not fazed by it. These folks were like involountarily shitting into lioke these bags hanging on their sides. If i hadnt seen it before id be lioke OMFG thats just wrong. But knowing the work house and the Fat ma's area that it is you see a lot of wierd shit, and this really was wierd shit! But lioke the first morning was grand, i was with this hot one, sort of lioke your a-typical mucker, orange but seemingly normal. The rest of the days have been pretty boring lioke, sitting with doctors just trying not to fall asleep infront of patients. Its so boring, lioke fock, id rather wipe arse's and change beds than sit there lioke? Then today roysh, today i was in the lioke the breast care clinic. Focking bricking it in me head lioke. The idea of lioke following a bird and lioke finding out if she's got lioke the big C? But it was grand. I just went where they told me and within minutes the doctor had me lioke feeling someones chest, and there was lioke huge lumps in there. But i followed her through all the different tests and even from the get go they were like, no these are cists, lioke, full of fluid? And then at the end they lioke stuck a needle in and pulled it all out? If i was a girl, or lioke, not a nurse, id be lioke wtf. But ive watched enough of Meredith to know that true medicine is lioke that wrong and cool all at the same time. After that i lioke spent the whole of 30 minutes chattin too the mukker about the southside and what a small world it is. She like knew my old road in Rathgar, and lioke knew the deputy headboy in my year. Its was lioke OMG NO WAY! After that roysh it was just lioke more chatting and lioke bitching about uggs, ugly but comfertable, but so overexposed. Sort of lioke Jordan. Ya know, overexposed, great to be in but like uncomfertable to look at?

Porky's and crying fowl, with food puns too!

Is it just me or is this whole recall thing a bit fishy? Turkey, chicken and fish sales have rocketed while pork sits in limbo waiting for the all clear it recieved today? I can understand the delay in slaughter, who's standards are laughable, but clearing the shelves was fruitless. We've been eating a minor percentage of a minute risk for 3 months or more. We're not going to all get cancer. Its an improbability! Now we've f'd over more farmers and this country's reputation for what? I can smell something really off about it. Our fisheries were fucked over so the french and spanish could keep fishing OUR fish into extinction. And now we just shot ourselves in the foot and sacraficed our entire pig industry! The irish love their pork. In times of recession we all want a fry. But if we cant fry pork, lets make some nice crackling out of Brain Cowen and his bloated mooching possy! They've been eating up irelands money like pigs for 20 years, its time we stop them!

The Mellow Trick road:

So these weekend im off too the land of Oz. Or as i prefare to say Aus! Im going there for my big sisters wedding and im there for over a month. So should be great. For one thing it will probably stop me being sad this xmas, winter gets to me. Ive done some crazy shit at christmas, well, pathetic, or whatever the insult version of the word pathetic is. But this year im off for my sisters happy time so it should be great. The sun will do me good and i guess theres little bad i can say about it. Although the flights are awkward. Blackpool, Mini-Dubai, Capital of Australia then short hop to Molborrough. (Dublin, Abu Dabi, Sydney, Melbourne:P)

Will probably keep up my blog-age Oz-side, but my newest blog wont get many more entries. That being "The Learnt Curve". Just my older diaries posted for referance, Ie past history of my psychi and experiance's. Anyhoo, blatant self sell aside. I will enjoy myself. And await my future options eagerly. Bring on exams, in febuary. But also bring on Daisy. Now that is potential to wait for!

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Port, the cause of and soloution to all of the societies problems.

Ah End of term for every other faculty but my own. YAY, excuse for everyone else but me to drink. So i think ill start with the start of the fall out from the days previous. But before that ill just expand this opening paragraph just a tad because it seem's quiet small and lonesome. Even having an introduction it just doesnt seem to do what it says on the box containing a tin, wrapped in a shit ad.

Fall Out Oy:
So last day in that specific placement. I was weary at first. But i got in and everything was fine. I was relitivly enthused and helpful and yadda yadda. Morning sort of flew as we had 2 extensive dressings to do and i got to do a minor one, which was great, probably the quickest ive put on stirile gloves ever. I guess im just that used to them by now! Now once that was all done i was given reading material and put sitting in a sideroom to read etc etc. Then cpc arrived.

Now ive had my fair share of encounters with them in the past, and ive been able to blag and lie well before. But considering i told the half truth i was in for it. NEVER TELL THEM THE TRUTH! I think i must be the only person to ever tell the the truth, or at least close to it. How the hell did i think having an out of control hang over was a feable excuse i felt sorry for? The truth was i didnt have a hang over, i had 4 malibu's and coke, my liver is unused toxin wise, i have NEVER been hung over. I dont know what it feel's like! But i was tired, muddled, manic/depressed and just plain lazy. I didnt want to go in. I had indirect means of calling relivant people and lying my ass off, but i was lazy and didnt. So in my infinite wisdom that day. Whilst manic in Cleo's afraid i was going to assualt her or something i geniously admitted the half truth to my cpc.

This led to me also not strongly keeping up lie or anything. I basically told the truth. Other than a non-existant hang over. In fact, mental health problems, which would have covered it all truthfully and been slightly less offensive than an "accidental" hangover. But i had dug my own hole and i was still in it. I then heard my self choosing all the wrong words about lack of interest in course, bullshit. Then tried to save that by explaining lack of motivation to study. Once again, backfire. Then gave up and didnt try to explain anxiety, mental health stuff and inability to ever be pro-active or ask questions on placement. Frankly, things didnt go very well. Also mentioning that i felt like i was forced to continue the course against my will was slightly bad aswell. Even knowing i have to get a degree, im fucking miserable some of the time. I have still not gotten my shit together. And academically i have still not committed myself in anyway. I dont know what im doing. I now have to talk to some high up placement person in my hospital on monday morning. Wonderbar......

Good Idea/Bad Idea:
Finally this week i can say i made a good choice, or at least i feel potive about it. So popping into the society before going home i turn around my dicision from the night before and decided to actually go to the xmas party. Now this was hours away, but i basically didnt leave the newspaper room. Read a paper who's publisher i didnt even clock untill after i finished it but still enjoyed the read. Although i couldnt find the master piece of wierdness that is the best paper in the world, that one from manchester of all places. Its just wrong. No Manchester intelectual and reader friendly wonder to end my day with. Just a major pitty. But i cracked on regardless. I gave GammaMan some free scrubs and witnessed the hillarious natural banter of the people of the society. Percy's gushing about how proud he was of getting Nescafé some fine tea was funny at first but slowly lost its charm by about the 20th person he told. Capone and Cailin and several others also spent their time talking about their essay's and inpending exams. All the while with some Mandalin music in the background. Im serious you could not make this stuff up. Before that was a little deja vu expanded speil from the master of fact repitition Gammaman, but i think the innerworkings of Belgian politics are something you dont hear every day so i let it slide....

Now the rest of the evening was great. I was going to go into more detail, but what is the point? There was so much here and there that some may not have relivance and the rest would just be pointless anyway. All i do have to say is, Flip Cup is amazing, M&S are the masters of chocolate, Port-wars are the new past-time of the societies elite and that Mr WTF is the oddest charecter i have ever seen. Let me explain that last one. I know little about this person but their appearance will never leave my memory. Think That Doctor with the decorative vegitable, except younger, more stylish, thick glass's and a full cutlery set in his breast pocket. You could never make it up, but it is possibly the coolest assortment of odd things i have ever seen, MR WTF is born. Also how anyone can say shortbread is not godly is just shocking! Oh and when playing the sharades game i ruined, i shold have said book as the film version is still not released...

The Order of Karma-Jedi:
In other news thats reaching me now. Apparently Chloe is dating a Jedi Knight. I say this as part of a new ranking system i have devised based on levels of dating experiance and age. Teenagers and virgins are quite rightly Younglings, (eg Daisy, although i could be wrong), Padawans(young adults with limited experiance or skill), Knights (young to middle aged adults who have no more learning to do and are tottally free and of course Masters.... Now i dont know where this comes from, she never mentioned it to me. In the mess of my insanity and avoiding idiations of trying to make a move on her i dont think such a thing came up. She talked of at least 2 people but neither an older person. So WTF is going on i do not know. However i fear i do not have the will or capacity to bother asking about it. I've my own shit to deal with.

What im more proud of is that VerryBerry, who i havent talked to in ages appears to be getting on grand. Somehow in a mess of undisclosed busyness she has gotten on top of her life and found someone. Kudos to her. I however am still on a similar plain of messed up that i have been since i broke up with PG. Things are still bleugh and im just taking it as it comes, or at least trying.

I had several ideas of other things to say but i dont know what they are. I think one was inventing or re-establishing the meaning of a word. Something to do with Fever and Favourite and Fev-rol-ity. I cant remember, my mind has been a bit to manic so i dont know what im saying...

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I regret noting....

This post is actually a sequal too one i wrote on tuesday which i will post after this one as it is saved on my computer at home. In essance this muddled order will actually by intention explain how the past two days have gone the way they have and what i think about them at this very moment.

I regret noting, as in i regret taking note of certain things. A semi-constructive pun that actually means very little as i am finding it difficult to understand how someone could have no regrets. At the moment im very pessimistic and regret LOADS. But in truth i feel they all serve some sort of greater constructive purpose in some way shape or form. What that is i dont know, but i guess we make mistakes in order to not only learn from them but to know how to make them defrently the next time. I dont know what my good dicisions are as i have dweled on a lot of things that i view as bad mistakes, and the past two days are full of them.

I shall start yesterday morning:

Train arrives a few minutes late. Walk briskly to a luas that waits a good while. Luas then almost gets hit by a bus crossing o'connell street and we sit there for several minutes. I eventually make it to the Burns unit and get into scrubs. Its a quiet day i have one patient. I do my best to be interested. By the very end of the day we have a new addmission and i help set stuff up and observed the begining of the assessment. When every left the room but the doctor for the assessment of the burn fully i left the room too think it was respectful too the patient. I then was with my perceptor looking at the addmission documents when the CNM sort of snapped and started telling me i should be in there watching the assessment as im there to learn. I dont argue and sort of feel shit about it, but i thought i was in the right in at least someway, learning about the documentation. But i go in and she was right that i was missing out. And i began to understand how they assesed the level of burn and the rationale for several things. Then with my perceptor i tried to change the patients cathether from another hospitals one to one of our own. This was a disaster. In trying to attach the larger nosel of our one to his i sort of flicked the tube and i got Urine on my face. It just missed my eye by mere centimetre's and i had to wash my face out. In concern for what had happened i was then advised to contact my cpc, then nursing student allocations the Occulpational health. I was due to leave at 3, but i had to wait arround and have my blood taken and didnt get out till 345 or so.

Brief drop into the society:

Unsure about what i was going to do that evening all day i had finally decided i was going to go to PG's party thing at her house. This was instead of the virgin sacrifice that was going to be someones victory in the newbie debating competition. I witnessed some great banter from between the likes of Percy, Kaffee, Joker and Letch with Nordie2 sitting there reading the paper. Cailin also was there getting ready for that night, uncharectaristically dolled up more so than normal. Percy searched for his suit and then ordered pizza for the last workshop and the somewhat hillarious banter continued. I then left close to 5 to meet up with PG, Budsey and Amish.

Back to Times triangle:
I know i had lectures earlier in the year and was in there and back and forth to the society a lot but something about going back when my old year was there was slightly odd. Seeing the many face's whos names i didnt quiet know was slightly odd. Then seeing my old friends was great and we hung on there for a few minutes before the express bus through the drainpipe to the 2nd city. Also nice to see familiar face's like the hotness that is smurfette about in TADC(all 3 building features of my faculty building together.). But on we went and hopped on the bus and down the river, past the shed/Arena and into the drain. Witin minutes out again and on the E1 up to the 2nd city.

Night of Meh:
So on with the partay! Well, that was the intention. Spend some time catching up and talking with Budsey and then we all tried to watch Damien1. A bit of diner but cola and cola-aloco-coconut kind of made me iffy and with my full plate i felt a bit off. Night wore on and Budsey and Amish left and more of PG's friends arrived including Cleo and Avril and more of hers friends from her old school. Several of her friends were there and i could attmept to name them but when i only met them for the first time last night, and may have forgotten 1 or 2 i dont think ill bother. But the night did seem rather not what i expected. And i actually did not know Cleo was going to be there. I started to text her during it all and then we went off and talked. I felt no animosity or anything but she told me in yet another way that we're just friends etc etc. I was fine with it, then anyway. Night went on a bit more but i went to bed around 0030. But not before in my psychotic way telling cleo:
"Even if i say i dont care what happnes between us. I have to say i have a nagging curiosity to find out what it would be like to be with you. And it wont go away"

Oy Veh. Why do i do such things, i hate my thumbs sometimes for letting me produce such shit.

3 Dreams, no clue:

My nights sleep was rather patchy. I kept waking up. And somehow i had several dreams and annoyingly not easy ones or male fantasy ones, or at least not ones im proud of or understand.
Im slightly apprehensive about sharing the details of them, but frankly i dont really care, theres slightly worse to come.

Dream 1:No name: This one seemed simple enough. I was on wards in apparently the same scrubsuit or uniform i had worn the day before and i was worried about it. I was afraid of the CNM and had little to do. I spent most of the so called day doing very little and being very worried about it. At one point there was a little kid i was supposed to look after and i was going to read him a Little Engine that could type story but got side tracked by something i cant remember and this upset me. I felt i was being awful at my job and was really worried about it. Thats me in general with General nursing. I cant get interested in it. Its a chore to me now, i dont want to do 2 1/2 more years at something im only content with just because i have to. Im a dreamer and to me working should be doing something i dont bitch about, naive i know but i want to be a writter etc and create stuff, but i cant do that without a stable job like nursing under my belt first...

Dream 2: 3 reds in a row: This one was sort of a direct run-off of the other one. Basically i was distracted in my duties by a girl i was interested in and this was eating at me at several levels. What i didnt get was that this girl was faceless, familiarity-less and nameless. I would expect it to be Daisy as that would pretty much be the truth. But for some reason she was a generic object and i cant explain why. Then i missed my opurtunity to ask her out and out of nowhere PG is there. In some odd thing i dont understand i kissed PG to apparently show how could of a catch i am. Then out of nowhere again Fox is there. She pipes up and says that looked good and she wanted to try. Its brief and not special but she seemed happy. Then again out of nowhere Cailin is in the dream. And this is the bit that scares me even more so. I mean i fucking dont like it one bit. We kiss and its somehow special. Then we kiss again and its really passionate and for some unkown reason it felt like it was real. It scared the hell out of my and i dont understand it. I dont have direct feelings for her or fox, and i most defently would NEVER pursue such thoughts. They are both spoken for and both important to my second best friend. I almost felt like my subconcious was betraying my concience. What was also odd was that all 3 of them our redheads of some discription. And i love redheads, but why did all 3 have to be in my dream, my ex and 2 people i barely know who i try to never think about in such ways?

Dream 3: Wake up: This one seemed even more real. I dreamt basically that everyone from the night before was getting ready to leave and i heard all the comotion etc downstairs. As people were leaving Budsey popped in and checked if i was there or not and i then woke up. Almost thinking it was real i thought it was a mild day dream and went down stairs expecting people to be there. There wasnt anyone. I then had to talk to PG's dad briefly and lied about my day. Lying to a holly-person, always odd.

My fake hang-over:
At around 6 am i got up to go into placement. My sleep had been patchy and i had woken several times. This time i did get up and i walked in to wake sarah to unset the alarm etc. I do a wake up routine and get dressed. Have breakfast and then in talking to PG and Cleo decide, ill say im sick and/or hungover. I did drink the night before, what maybe 4 malibu and coke, not exactly much. I dont drink anyway and have never been hungover. But i was really tired and didnt want to go in to placement. I had the good intention of contacting allocations and the ward but i just slept on. I ignored several phone call's throughout the day and then answered the phone to my cpc. I stumbled my words but basically "admitted" that i had been "out" the night before and felt sick and had had the intention to tell the right people but hadnt. I basically told the truth, but i wasnt actually sick in any physical sense, but mentally may be another question.

Endgame with Cleo:

OY VEH INDEED. This is what i really really really regret. I got the bus back into town with Cleo and we get off near the train station. Saying good bye to her and briefly walking with one of sarah's friends i turn back and go into the station. I get onto the southbound platform and wait for her. I then talk to her and purseude her to sit with me in the next station to talk. I talk about my dreams and being muddled about today and she listens. With a great line about selling a third i to lend out her 2nd ear, i have no idea where she go that, but anyother day id be smitten with it. She talked about her stuff too and then she then asked if i want to continue talking at hers. Aprehensive i in turn said yes. So down to the coast beside the man-made beach i go up to hers. WHAT A PLACE. Student digs in their most poetic form. This place must have been a bnb at somestage. Its just full of charecter. And with her flat mates and some neighbours being art students it was wholly befitting. The second im in her sitting room i think homely and pure poety and idilic and all this sort of stuff. Its run down, smell's of potted plants, feels like i country cottage and its an old townhouse in a coastal suburb. It was just grotto-tastic. I was in awe of how amazing it was, so much charecter for a place to live, you couldnt help but be inspired or in awe. Questionable bathroom though.. Cacky brown plumming with a random door into another appartment that wouldnt close.

Now for the converstations and so on. They were grand. Things were fine for a good while but the longer i was there the more i felt my inapropriate thoughts were coming to mind. I know i dont really want her or anything but that lust kept knocking on the door of my mind. We're not exactly as compatable as some parts of my mind may like but still the thoughts kept flashing manically. Eventually i couldnt take it anymore. And despite temptation to copy the naked man from How i Met Your Mother. I told Cleo "i have to go now, if i dont ill do or say something i regret or say it afterwards in a text". I was litterally afraid id attempt to assault her or make a move on her and i had to get out of there pronto. Simple goodbye's with no hug and affirming that i probably wouldnt see her till january. Which will be very helpful. I really hate my mind and on some levels i know nothing can happen between me and her but other levels are desperate, carring, insane and horny and they wanted to physically test the waters of being in relationship with her. But in reality i had dipped my tounge into the bath water like an elbow checking the temperature and i had stubbed it learning there was little to know chance of anything.

I go for girls with problems a lot. Lorr, PG, VerryBerry and Cleo, and a few more. And some level possibly Daisy, but she's so cute and full of unwritten potential that i dont want to ruin that. It so far looks amazing and i hope these shit 2 days shortly before the Land down under dont affect more within my life. I have no idea of what the fall out will be of everything. But so far im in trouble, im insane, ive affirmed i have no chances and i really really feeling shit today.

The next post will be the previous post.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Grabbing a spoon

Wow, i really have neglected my fingertips of late! No bitching for more than a week and a half, how in spheghetti's name did i manage that? Oh yeah, i remember now, stupid unwritten confidentiality and major-moment-less weeks. Well, i say that, but do i actually mean it? Things did happen, and that what im going to do now, is talk about what has happened. Now some of it will be in brief as i have to respect something’s that were shared in confidence. Other stuff i can let my typing and typo's wonder and bitch, moan, big-up, laude, praise, gush and generally brag about.

So where to begin, its been so long im unsure of date's and timing. So ill just talk in general and cover issue's under general fields. The first field being my good friend Cleo, second field being Baby hospital and depending on what comes into my conscious thoughts misc or otherwise.

So this is a slightly difficult thing to talk about as im bound by saying i wont say stuff thats to revealing. So ill just mull over what has happened etc. Some of it is out of date and pointless but anyhoo. More than 2 weeks ago, the day after my last post as far as i can remember, i had a great lunch with. Great moments etc, good convo, shared a draft of the first chapter of my story with her. It was a good time had etc, and at one point i gave her a back massage. But i think i only ever came off as a good friend, which was confusing and frustrating. Things went on anyway and i championed a possible Father Ted night at her's for her to our friends. But when PG wasnt able to make it kind-of fell apart. But just before that i met up her after a very long day in the spawning centre and had good convo's with her etc. Details of which i cant cover. Half the time i really wanted to make a move and try and kiss her and this made me silent and shy. There was a few moments but i couldnt get any sense of anything back from her so i shied away. I was hesitant as she left, mainly about how i missed my chance and i didnt know what to do. So in my infinite wisdom i texted her and told her how i felt etc. Didnt go to swimmingly and she said she would think about it. Then as the whole dvd-age fell apart i basically shot myself in my Mr Nice guy foot and said i didnt want to go if there was still an ambiguity about "us". I didnt want to feel uncomfortable or for anyone to get hurt. In truth i was protecting myself in a roundabout way cause i dont think i can take any more one-sided rejection. So no dvd. Lonesome past weekend, but something else happened which i'll divulge later. As of the past 2 days were still friends and things are alright etc. She has several suitors and other people in her respective crosshair's where as i have her and 1 new person, with minor chances' in general. So its all wait and see, but for now we're friends.

The Spawning pool:
So for the past 2 weeks i was in a maternity hospital doing my Midwifery and Obstetrics placement for my course. Now ive heard bad things about this specific hospital and how they treated general nursing students in the past but i found it was a good enough placement. Its definitely something i didnt have a clue about. After all it was possibly the most female bits id seen in real life over such a short time. Oddly it made me feel that i really want to be a father. And okay, for a guy of 20 thats slightly odd, but i really do. Maybe I’m the real Ted Mosby? But anyway, i liked it. But what i liked even more was making friends with the people in my new year. There was 5 other people on the placement, and as predictable all girls. Oh the statistics always sound so good dont they, 5/1, sometimes i have to love my course for that alone. They were all interesting, and i will try and name each of them and mention what they were like as at least 1 of them will hopefully feature in future blogs so i might as well include them.

Daisy: Probably the one i got along best with and from day one i saw there was something between us. Really cute, long wavy dark hair, braces and surprisingly lazy. Being a fan of old rock and Muse and a fan of Mel Brookes also being amazing. For some reason she gave me a massive sense of Deja Vu for days, dont know how or why but it was interesting. We got on really well and i spent many a lunch break hanging back just to talk to her. On my last day her and me were on the same ward and we both took a MASSIVE break of around 4 hours due to different excuse's and we spent most of it talking. It was great. By the end of the day i got her number and an answer of "maybe" to the question "..would you like to go out some time". Forever more this will be known as a grabbing a spoon moment. For those not in the Pop-Culture Know this is a reference too the Pilot episode of friends where Joey claimed there was many flavours of ice cream and ross had to just grab a spoon to start dating again, so he put a similar question to Rachel by the closing minutes. The rest as they say is.... a very prolonged and influential and slightly mediocre sitcom that helped define a decade.

BOB-BA: A bouncy and odd little blonde who could really talk and talk. She was really sound and i spend a day on a ward with her. Surprisingly she's a female computer gamer which was interesting. She also told a lot of stories about ex-bf's and stalkers. Which in general made me feel sorry for my fellow man, and slightly superior as even in my most psychotic lust fueled moments i never got as bad as some of the guys in those story's. I guess the interenet is good for at least something then; looking like an ass depends on perspective not facts.

Mini-J: A nickname that probably means very little, but as she looks like someone else it seemed be-fitting. One person i didnt actually get to learn much about but she was very friendly and usually around. Being from the OTHER hospital i probably wont see much of her again but she was interesting. I cant think of much to say about her, other than she was cute and had a scar on her forehead i didnt ask about for fear of sounding insulting.

Drummy: An interesting girl also from the other hospital. Surprisingly friendly and normal etc despite a rather off-putting outward appearance. Is it just me or are hair extensions and orange skin really really wrong? But she was sound enough. Bizarrely also had stalker stories to tell and had two mobiles on the go at once each with different cost saving packages. Smart if you think about it, but also confusing, although i suppose you get used to it.

Nute: Barely saw this girl for most of the placement. Most of the time i couldnt remember her name. She was rather quiet and reserved and wasnt around at every lunch. But i got the sense that it wasnt that she was shy but more she was anti-social or had some sort of angst. I couldnt tell, she seemed pretty quiet and frankly un-noticeable. If anything id flag her as at risk of certain things if i knew more about her. Maybe it was just the way she was but something wasnt right about it all.

Misc and other musings:

Hmmm, i dont really know what to say for this. I remember on one of my days off last week i saw a slightly hilarious exchange between Kaffee and Percy about our last fraudulent leader. It was pretty funny. As far as i could tell they were preparing for a debate where they were on a difficult side supporting said leader and ideologically as team-mates they werent on the same page but giving it a bash anyway. I think it was more Percy disagreeing with what they wanted to say and talking about the truth of the situation than actually dealing with what they were doing. But i couldnt understand half of it anyway, so i didnt really care. In other news, the society went plastic this year, im all for Ferns, other than that cotton one, but a plastic tree? Such a waste. A building of about 103 years old with gothic features and they put plastic in the corner? SHAME!

Also the other week Cailin had her first debate in the large room and apparently it went very well. I wasnt there but i heard that she actually stumbled the rather offensive fat man from LIAR's-R-US. Good for her i guess. I on the other had screwed up my Academy speech, i must have forgotten to thank god, my hairdresser etc No in truth, i prepared an idea that i thought was clever, and it wasnt really and i didnt carry it well or make it work in situ with what was happening in the debate. It was shite really. But i shall return, mwhahahahaha, well to IV's and the big room anyway.

Hmm, i cant actually think of much else to say. I think i covered most of it. I have several things scheduled for tomorrow. The Virgin sacrifice and a xmas party/dvd night thing at PG's. I dont think i will be able to make the post-sacrifice box-social but i will still suit up for the main event and then bus my way out to the 2nd city for some late night dvds and possible no sleep. 10/1 possibly being the ratio at the sleep-over, but i have to go into placement the next morning, madness. But ill do it anyway, somehow, someway.