The Tidle key of life, via mild sleep deprevation

If you spend as much time at a computer as me, and play computer game's especially one's based on the quake 3 engine then you will know the tidle key. It's the magical key that is either represented beside 1 or is on the # button. I am of course talking of that wavey little thing called the tidle key (~). And I've come to the philisophical inclination that this is what life's "learning curve look's like! Now unlike the real tidle key it does give us access to wonderful cheats like God mode(invunerablility), Full Ammo(for all those go postal mornings), Noclip(walking through wall's, so handy) and of course no level skip's or disabling of enemy AI's. No life is difficult, life is topsey turvey and it is shaped like a Tidle key. Depression is the Tidle and success the "pound"#, although some hash would be nice.....  This wonderful symbol at the moment seem's to some-up life and all it's trappings, pit-fall's, woe's, high's, low's, wonder's and obsurdities.

I am fucking tired. No really i am. 3 night's in a row with 5 hours sleep and being on my feet all day run ragged with meanial free altruistic labour. I'm giving myself over agaisnt my will to sleep, or will in general to supposidly study. Instead most of the time i'm running around with conflicting task's and orders and just juggling care and time trying to do things right or get them done at all. It's not that i'm off the ball, hell i'm on it. But it's rotating so fast that i'm running out of steam. I had a long day today and very busy. 1 patient very sick and then 2 patients getting blood, and then another far from my ward but in my care getting worse as the day went on. Not to mention my Preceptor, although a good teacher, has an inate nack of creating business. Where-ever she goes she end's up doing yet another thing. Which mean's she has to delegate further to me to fetch stuff and do thing's, despite my standing orders of hourly fluid balance's, charting and observations now and then. And ontop of that she kept reminding me of those hourly duties. Hell i dont want to complain, but i was chasing after each request as much as i can. She freely admits she cant get everything done, or finds it hard to get it all done. But she was rubbing off on me making it all ten time's worse. And when you have a patient you have to watch like a hawk and a dozen or so things due for 5 other patients it's a nightmare!

I think if money were no object the HSE should hire mesues's to help nurse's with their bad backs and nerve's during a long stressful day. I know i need it! I'm bloody recked and all i have is a gradually more lumpy double bed all to myself to comfert me. My back twinge's, the sole's of my feet are on fire, and my eye's weigh a thousand tonne's. Oh and did i mention i don't even want to be a nurse professionally or for very long, if even at all?

When on wards my imagination still wonder's. I still think critically and about my task's. But i can't help but dream of how i could make it all easier. Like having some sort of Electronic Patient Report. Like the system in theatre but hand held and automatically and inteligently organised to inform you of what care you have to give, what's due when and anything you can do inbetween. Like a iphone with loads of alarm's and to do's programmed in... Or my hygenic would be a touchable hologramme that extend's on your arm? Oh i can only dream. That's my problem, medical knoledge and people do interest me, how can they not. But i've always been a dreamer and doing all this caring for other's just starve's and pushes that away. And Imagination and dreaming are how mind works. I'm used to flight's of fantasy, of quick imagination and random idea's, epiphinies and so on. Working altruistically when i'm misserable and trying to think of all the thing's i haven't been able to grasp yet because of academic reluctance is just killing me inside. It's so bloody difficult to get up at 5 am and drag myself into something i never really loved. It just feel's like duty now. Like i have to do it. And i don't get payed a thing. I'm free miserable labor agaisnt my will. What am i learning, i don't even want to learn it? What the hell am i doing?

Other notes.... Eh what is there....

Oh yes.

The Emergence of the Nevoux-Poor:

Ie The recession and the like. 

Wow this really is all a big mess. In my more lucid non-self-affacing and non-self-loathing moment's i had idea's about how to bitch about all this. But i really can't place half them. If any at all. This country really is a sinking ship. It's titanic for the last 2 hour's of that over awarded film. It's Steve Martin or Eddie Murphy's level of hillarity since the late 90's. It's shit creek with a boat made of sobositaries! 

Job's are going left right and centre, and what ever the bottom part of the political compass is. Everyone is affected. And a common ending to Recession debate's amoung the public is now becomming, "well at least you have a job."  And thinking about it, it is a good point, but also a cop out. Not everyone is safe. Sure Nursing may be partially recession proof but they're starting to fuck over the "real" students. Transport in this country is also a joke. Dublin bus was ideally was meant to gain a further 200 buses or more over the next few years to provide a perfect service. Instead they want to axe 250 drivers and some route's, even with the knoledge that the current network is inefficiant and archaic? CIE, our transport company, for those of us inclined to still think that we live in a semi-socialist democratic republic, is supposed to service US. It holds a monopoly on transport and yet it has not delivered anything good enough for the countries needs. How is it that the NRA got billion's for car-park style motorway's and CIE was left with inadequet bus fleets, useless networks and Victorian Rail Lines? There's so many thing's wrong with how the civil "service" is run it's just sickening. Fuck all is ever done for the good of this country and it's people. For age's it's been about the political bullies and land grabber's and we haven't voted in disgust because we don't complain when it really does matter.

Am i wrong? No i doubt it. This country and it's people complain all the time, look at taxi-person's. And yet we don't vote accordingly. FF have been in power for donkey's years. The same shit has been happening for over a generation. And yet with such a stagnant uninteresting opposition or lack there-of no one has ever engaged with our politic's and voted for that buzz word, "Change". I hate irish politics. Not as much as it's very complex history, but it really does suck. Both F parties want thing's i don't want, the socialist's and worker's parties are only aimed at the working class and are too small, the green's are visionless and half the time i forget that there even is a Labour, whatever the fuck they do... Oh and Sinner's, sickening thought. Half of the parties want the north back, a pointless manifesto when the south's so shit, even when things were good. And none have any good idea's about what to do about, anything really. HSE is a mess, School's are a mess, College Fee's are insulting when the state run(public) school system is nearly dead or underfunded, and the nightmare of transport. This country is also a rip off. Cost of living is insance, taxes, food, fuel, booze even street drug's are all extortionate.

Thing's that would be nice if ireland was a fierryland:

Dart Interconnector

Double Decker Train's

Effective bus service

Luas line's to Lucan, Bray, DIT(grangegorman), BX (red line to green line), Rathmine's or even rathfarnham.

Metro North being a train not a light rail service

Metro west being a segregated service, light rail or not not too important.

Better Management of the HSE

Improve school's so as to increase Medicine and Nursing place's in Future.

Using all the jobless graduate's around at the moment as Teacher's to prepare tomorrow's kid's for a better future. As in plan a better structure of how the country should be run now and work at it with the future in mind.  Think the Operative in Serenity. An deplorable assassin who dream's of a better world, and know's he has no place in that world. Basically we should plan and toil for our future so that this fuck up doesn't continue or affect future generations.

All well and good, but i'm ranting. Damn Socialist leaning's of a manic-depressive reluctant student from an upper-middle class backround quickly becoming very very poor.

Rigth sleep, and fuck do i need it!