Damn i am zonked. Well it's sort of my fault. Well no, it is my fault. F'd up sleep pattern. I keep going to bed very late. 1 am sort of late. When i have to be up at 6am or so that's pretty shit. And since i am not on placement or not very active since i am supposed to be studying and attending my last lectures until next actual "year" i shouldn't be to tired. Indeed i should be well rested and ready for the world. But with 5 hours sleep last night, and maybe 4 before i am knackered. Hell i think my body's haywire. The very late night of the AGM has screwed up my system and it's a week later. Not only the whole 3 hours sleep on an armchair but all the walking to the 'Bello and back and then the excessive walk i took on friday. Oh did i not mention that. Yeah the luas had a technical fault. I had to walk all the way from the workhouse to Westlandrow and i did it in an hour. That's what 6 Km or something, i could use google maps and or something but i couldn’t be arsed, either way it's a long old walk. I'll get back to that later after i get back to my intro point. Yeah basically my body was wrecked by added work it hasn't done in weeks. I then vegetated on the long weekend and i didn't feel the affects. But the second i reactivated with little sleep yesterday there was cramps in my calf’s and general ouchies from any exertion despite wanting to have a spring in my step. Nay fun.
Right that was possibly one of the longest intro's i've done in a good while. Rant style i guess. I don't really have a framework for this post, i could write one now. I have my "writers/scrap" notepad, my iPod on shuffle, a pen in my pocket and a second can of Blue Bear in my coat pocket. Dirt cheap at 2 for a euro from the Spar on Nassau street. Ye know the one. It usually has a beggar infront of it. Oddly not a licensed beggar as it seems to change person all the time. You'd think they would have they territory claimed like in pre-recessionary time's but oddly not. And today there wasn't one. I was actually willing to give my dwindling and rapidly disappearing assorted change part my wallet and enter a coffee cup. Alas it was not to be, either people are that charitable when they're broke or it's dole day or something cause there was no beggar in the beggar sweat patch beside the door.
But yeah a plan for this post...... Oh yes very lazy, onto that one:
Basically i am so tired that my procrastination, laziness and avoiding study as well as "avoision" knows no bounds. I won't dwell on it too much but i really need to work. I really need to set up a routine. I have those sociology books still. I renewed them in the libary on my way home yesterday. Possibly to con myself that i would actually work or to avoid the superfine's. Yes the superfine's. 2.50 a day or something, shocking. Now super attached to anything is always pretty cool, especially since a acquaintance in the society who got lumbered with a superfine is pretty superfine herself but unfortunately that was just a lead in to a pun i wanted to deliver and not really a coherent or necessary sentence. Wow, long sentence...
What i have been doing with my time:
Playing Open Transport Tycoon Deluxe: I love this game. Most day's it's on in the background paused for sandbox cheating or to stop the little dings interfering with music or pirated tv-shows online. My current game is yet another experiment in my "skill" of building big networks. I'm rather impressed with it. Some congestion here and there and some rather cool new "innovative" junctions that i'm kind of proud of. At the moment it has 2 large ring route's and 2 small local routes with branches and 1 large farm and wood cargo route fuelling some of the busier towns inside my 2 ring networks. The 1st ring network has only a couple of branch's and a few by-pass tracks with solely terminal stations and 1 large "interchange" terminal station or "major" station.
The second route was built later with a lot more money and crayonism at hand. I actually sculpted my way around the map to make the network work for me. It's main Major station was built on the wrong side of a town with nothing near it but a good tram route and bus connection soon made a city grow around it, increasing its importance. I also have several branch's and by-pass tracks on it to allow as many route's as possible and more traffic. Some aren't even used but it's a good back up. Now it has let's see, 2 smaller terminal's, 1 mainline major station and an "intercity" major station built in the harbour of the first town i settled in. This was really creative, making land just for my route. I also used it as a connection to the 1st network and stuck in another terminal just down the road from another one using it's express tracks and so on. Basically making a massive inter-city service i had never built before and with enough track and by-pass's to make it easy for that service to not be disturbed by local one's.
I'm now planning a 3rd ring route. This one will cover the so far un-tapped south of the map and finish off the map from an interconnected line point of view. At least 2 terminal's of possibly a ro-ro nature are planned. With the small branch terminal's of the 2nd route being evolved into new major link's to this route and inter-city stop over’s for it. Fun sandbox time's ahead.
Playing Civili(z)ation 2: I still love this game and i play it from time to time. Just not as much. But i've really gotten into this current game. I'm the Babylonians, i'm cheating but i've finally perfected my economy and so on. Unfortunately my enemies are far behind and far away. Brief war's have been fought with the russian's and vikings and the Sioux but there's little contest. I gain cities and then have to commit more and more time to cities i don't really want. Very little challenge, not much of a war when you win all the time. So i recently cheated all the smaller nations to spread all over the map, updated most of their tech to my level and chucked loads of money at them. So within a few decade's i could actually have a challenge on my hands. Fun fun.
Catching up on Ny-Lon 6 year's late: This is a surprisingly good show. I liked the look of it when i saw the trailers years ago but for some reason i missed it. We didn't move house in 2002 or 3, that was 2005 or so so why i missed it i can't remember. What i'm loving about it is how well it's made, how well it's dramatised and just the strength of the characters. They are far from perfect likable people. They are both lying through their teeth not only to each other but to their friends, edie especially. The shit keeps hitting the fan and somehow they wriggle their way out of it and manage to fly each side of the Atlantic each weekend in a very unrealistic way. You can tell it was boom time's even if was after 9/11. I know he's a banker and a bit of a twat but new york every weekend or other weekend just for a girl who's deceiving you, and you're deceiving is slightly insane. But when they are together it seems to just work. Despite how fucked up they are they seem to be meant for each other. I know it's the plot of the show but when they do have moments together it works. It's the fact they are lying and wriggling for the rest of episode's that makes it harder to believe but also just as compelling. How did i miss this short amazing series?
Hmmm, Honesty. Do i really want to do this one... eh first college buzz:
Yes the college buzz. Well there's not much actually. I'm still rather pissed at the lack of time we're given for tutorials. I barely know anyone in my current year. And since i suck at socialising anyway it's kind of difficult to get to know them. Now other than the obvious teenage shyness that still fester's inside of me i would like to know those girl's more but alas it won't be till next year, if i get there.
It also came’s up time and time again how little i really know chatterbox. Like other than her constant talking which as a mental disturbed person i see as some kind of underlying psychological issue and so on and so forth. I can't help that, i try to equate everyone’s actions to some kind of psycho-analysis although not all of Freudian of course, but that is such an easy one if not only 10% correct and heavily biased and open to interpretation. But anyway she's an enigma. I really know sweet f'a about her other than she talks a lot, is uneasy, babble's and talk's about her sister and flatmate a lot like i'm supposed to know them. On friday i ended up having to walking into town with her because of the #Luasfail so walking we went. Despite slightly more conversation that actually resembled a conversation i still couldn’t get a lay of the land so to speak. I've suspected for over a year now that she might be a closet lesbian but i can NEVER be sure. And how i've interacted with her over the past few days has just been confusing. Despite her babbling and neurotic nature i enjoyed actually having her beside me in lecture's yesterday. I admit i wouldn't have much against something happening there but i don't really understand her that much so even 3 years of acquaintance i still don't know her in any way at all.
Now i am also of course still in theory taking my "abi-stance" which i mentioned several blogs ago. Ie not actively seeking a gf or anything else and hoping to just focus on me and study and so on. Doesn't stop my mind though. Jade, Mystique, Hope and other's flash into my head from time to time as well. The unfortunate reminiscing about my only sexual experience’s with PG which begrudgingly are my only source of real life fantasy since i've been unsuccessful elsewhere. I still hold a candle for Hope, even if it's a short stubby birthday candle there's something there. And now she's staying here i don't know what could happen. She wanted to talk about something that was troubling her the other night but with no phone and Facebook a bit to public i haven't contacted her since. Whatever her quam was either she sorted it out herself or needs guidance or an ear but without contacting her or having the lunch i asked about on friday i don't what lies in store there. All possibilities but i am "trying" to not give it too much active thought but you know how that works right... yeah it doesn't. And not just specifically Hope, but any of them. So many possibilities but i've decided not to pursue them or dwell on them, can't exactly stop it but it's still there in the background.
Band's i am currently interested in despite what my play listings may tell you:
The Veronica's
Empire of the Sun
30 seconds from mars
Iglu & Hartly
Yelle
All pretty quirky and i love them all sometime i wish i listened to them more instead of my purpetual use of shuffle. But when at home i usually play by albums but when i do it's usually Fall out boy, the cab, blizzards, the veronica's and yelle. Need to squeeze the rest in....
Honesty:
Hmmm well in some extent i was honest before and well i already spilled my history to a random blogger in a comment before this blog. So for the moment i will forgo my woe is me embarrassing history story which in essence is kind of pointless. After all when bitching and moaning about my problems i always take the Psycho-analysis approach of looking at the past and all that shite. My current state of mind is more complex than that. After all psychology is a blender mix of all theories that needs to be a pick and mix of candy, jellybeans, penny sweets and white chocolate mice. You can't have penny sweet's without those white chocolate mice, or cola bottle's both plain and sour/bitter sugar.
But yeah i dwell on the past a bit too much. And i could have posted all my old diary's in that "other" blog but there was some pretty embarrassing fucked up shit in there. Why i did some things is beyond me. After all some of my internet relationships from my f'd up teenage life are best forgotten. They never will be but it would be nice if i could forget most of the details. They were chronicled in those older diary note's and i think they should stay there. They were also spewed out in lyrics and poetry in my 200 or so poem/song's that i wrote at around the same time and up until college. I sort of gave up on them when dating PG i didn't want to truly express what i was feeling. Afraid of the honest or bitterness i could bring out i guess. At first my excuse was i didn't want to write about being in "love" but near the end it was trying to not work all that shit out. But i eventually did. The 4 or 5 songs trying to justify the possibility or prospect of cheating kind of reflect my mindset in the closing weeks. Of course i didn't and the object of my obsession at the time turned out to be a dead end, the first of 7 over the past year.
A lot of my teenage life i really really really regret. I also regret a lot of my current life but i can't help any of that shit. I can take my baby steps towards making things better. The society is obviously a shining light of a smart choice but i haven't exactly used the great source as much as i would have liked. Despite my ever presence there and wasting of precious study time it has been more laziness and newspaper reading and the odd debate than actual socialising, which is just disappointing to say the least. To have all these new friends and to not know them well at all can be such a bitch sometimes. Especially when i'm not assertive and all that jazz. I'd love to be but in my whiney self-deprecating way it's never easy. Give me time, etc etc. Or a kick in the arse whatever works.
Anxiously awaiting star trek. My society trip to it is sort of on hiatus or in the ether but it's earmarked for next week, interest or not. It's out this friday. Previews tomorrow. I think DS is home at the moment, i should probaly text him. If he is i might scrounge some kind of funding from the parental's and go to it tomorrow after my "2" lecture's. I see a to do list in my future.....
Good bye for now.
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