I had intended to chronical several idea's in seperate posts but instead i'll cram them together in brief snippets, because i'm lazy and just want to talk about all of them.
This morning i woke several times in my double bed. The feeling of oversleeping where you can just go to sleep again. Not a care in the world stopping me. It was great it was heaven and there were several dreams to keep me entertained, confused and generally comfertable that my imagination was running wild and not my real thoughts.
I woke around 1. This time i wasn't going back to sleep. I was beyond comfy, i was feeling the rough jumble of different blankets and now worn springed matress as the a big ball of cotton wool, it was great.
But in the pit of my stomach i ached for breakfast. So i took a few deep breaths swallowed my own saliva and hoped it would subside.
Finally i grabbed the book at my bed side. Not On The Road, as of yet unfinished, but instead that Little Secret record store purchase:
How I paid for College by Marc Acito.
The blurbs say it's a the greatest teen movie never made, worthy of Ferris Buller and other such great reviews. Several of them. Even "unputdownable".
This one proved right. 1980's New Jersey captured perfectly, or how i would imagine it.
And as the adventure started i was already on the fifth chapter by the time my hunger got the best of me and my mind was on fire with my own writing style and imagination.
What a way to wake up.
My Literary Hunger is a new seed in me. I have my stack of books. I have collected things i desperatly want to read, i've yet to however. Despite having the time. I also want to write so bad.
My blog posts have been sitting in my head since Wednesday and before.
On Wednesday evening, before a legendary film night With Ming and his friend Ché (for reference purpose's), I had a long chat with Ming about idea's for stories.
I sat in awe of his Philisophical deeper question idea's that were at the route of his stories. He claimed dialogue came easy when he wrote. He claimed he would splurge at the oddest of hours but never found the time to write.
I said that when i write it was to avoid doing other things. To force my distracted idea's out so that i could focus on what i should have been doing. But not with my blogs. No blogs are a relief. They're therapy, an extension of those weak lyrics and poems i wrote oh so long ago.
I won't chronicle all of Wednesday night and Thursday morning but i will mention the highlights.
Talking writing and philosophy and bigger questions with Ming.
Shopping for Salt at 1130pm for popcorn.
Pulp Fiction.
A Drinking game to Love actually where we drank Coke and Scotch to the words:
Feel/feeling
Christmas
British/English
We almost drank to the word Love, but we're not suicidal.
The following day i had little next to nothing to do. So i helped with the Society.
More lifting and bag packing. This time less people.
Wars of Witt over what music to play, and what constituted good music. Frankly this annoyed me a lot.
No one could reach a concencus, each ear individual, as i will always protest, but they didn't even except Popular songs, familiar singles. It was all about the arty/indie/meatloaf/electronica(mgmt)/folk and so on.
And yet despite such protests people LIKED Nirvana, they liked S Club Seven. The popular stuff would work as a collective, but people were spitful about several choice's and it was annoying. It's hard to be a DJ when it's not your music.
The Present is harder to predict than the Future.
Tomorrow i will be helping with the Society.
It's freshers week.
Also tomorrow i may be expecting my Exam results..... DUN DUN DUN....
I don't know how to feel. I'm far from sure how it will all turn out.
This week decide's it all. As did this time last year.
At the same time the banks were going to pot so was my life.
I had failed the supplementals. All due to lack of work and general malaise after a failed relationship.
I had selfish blinkers on and failed to work for my future.
Against my will, and lack there of, i was thrust on a rainy morning to repeat the year. The same day the Banks were being bailed out here in Ireland with a "Garuntee" i was being given a loan from my dads credit union to repeat the year.
It all seemed so bizarre and i didn't ever wake up to it.
I was down during my first placement that year, especially in the middle, all that Cleo shite.
I had no idea what i was doing, or where i was going with life.
And frankly i still don't. My life is nothing but Uncertainty, or at least in my head.
It's all far from over, and yet tomorrow and next week seem's so scary.
I should be having fun, enjoy the experiance. But i have my results tomorrow. And then a Driver Theory Test on Thursday.
Depending on my results i am either in placement the following week or not.
I also have to face my Blood resluts from my gp visits to learn about my unexplained rash.
And then to go to a private dermatology clinic the next week, on thursday, which will either be my Day off from placement, or yet another free day.....
It's all in the air. I have no idea what the rash is. Stress makes sense. But so do many other things. I hope it's not what the latest test were to rule out. Extra bloods on friday to rule out Addisons and Cushings. Endocrine disorders, rare one's at that. Frankly i hope i don't have either. It's a long shot but i don't want them.
After all i wanted to start working out and healthy living. I don't want to develop a hormone problem that includes bloating and so on. NO THANK YOU!
Or constant blood tests, no thank you.
Just like my life this country future is also uncertain.
Banama Republic indeed. As a hypocritical middle class socialist who's never really worked for anything and is full of lofty ignorant ideas i LOATH the idea of being indebt to the states mistakes until i die.
I never bought a house with no money.
I have all of one loan to pay back, and it was for education. I don't want to pay for mad cap development that was poorly managed and fueled by greed.
I'm a strong advocate of social amenities, transport and town planning. I believe in regulations and properly planned neighbourhoods and developments. I adore public transport.
Sure i love consumer goods, but i pirate music and watch shows online. I'm not perfect, i am far from a capitalist or a consumer.
I may buy softdrinks and other goods as a consumer on the go but i don't buy House's or car's i can't afford.
I didn't do this to the world. Why do i have to pay for it? Why do my children have to pay for other people's greed?
This is possibly my most conservative thought but the Government can get the fuck away from most of my hypothetical future income.
I will pay for normal social serivices and so on like a good citizen. I'll pay for taxes on my savings and insurance and so on, even a state pension(which i don't really like, since it's still taxed later on...), but i Won't pay for the Developers/speculators/bankers/wankers and consumer driven dick heads that ruined the world.
I admit i obviously played a minor role in all of this, but do i really have to pay for it?
Do any of us?
I expect to do my duty, pay normal taxes and live my life.
I don't want to be made poor to pay off a mistake i never made and shouldn't have to pay for.
If and when i start earning money i don't want any of it going towards NAMA or to prop up the banks.
If i earn money i will pay for what are the essential's of a civilised Country, but i will not pay for Greed. I won't support such blantant exploitation of the middle and lower classes while the bankers stay rich.
NO, FUCK THEM.
I'll vote for any sensible opposition to this. I will make sure as much as is democratically possible that i don't have to pay too much for this insane concept. I DO NOT WANT TO BE RIPPED OFF.
So far in life i have recieved a lot for nothing. When i start paying back with my income i want it shared equally. I don't want a large chunk going towards greed that i was not apart of.
I would be happy with social housing and so on. I don't really care about making my own home just yet. I will do so in due course, even eventually by whatever residence i have on my own, but not with an insane loan.
Anything above 50% is insulting to what looks like a Measly future income of mine.
Being a Nurse is or not is not really going to pay that much. Neither will the dream of Writing or other ventures.
So the idea of loosing my money to this Scheme sickens me. I can't stand it. I can't even articulate it because i am only an ignorant citizen, and they want to keep it that way.
I'm also apposed to Student fee's, but not in a militant way, more in an ideology sort of way.
I don't have a soloution to it's great expense but i know it's a worthy investment we can't loose.
We are already loosing it as many can't find work. The product of our affluent time and we could loose ALL of the people our parents and grandparents payed to educate.
I may not actually be here to complain in the future.....
That future may also need The Lisbon Treaty.
I have several reasons to vote yes.
And a few here and there to vote No.
I voted No the last time as a form of Ignorant Protest. I was against the principle of a coplicated document forced upon us when we were never informed properly and senisibly about it's contents.
No one knew a thing so we all said FUCK YOU to the government.
This time it won't have the same effect.
The country is in an awful state.
We may want the Government out.
After all we're in Debt to the banks for billions, the health care is weak, unemployment is sky rocketing, the economy is awful, consumer confidence is gone, and they can't even maintain a vital viaduct for commuters.
Even if we hate FF we have to agree with them.
We're fucked without Europe.
Europe is to big for it's own ideals. Too many members and not enough executive power, or faster democracy and so on and so forth.
Each of the 27 countries and future members need a voice. Under the current system they don't get much of one.
If we don't say yes to this we won't get the voice we actually want. If the Irish don't say yes we won't be listened to. Our own government doesn't as it is.
If we vote for confidence in the EU they will continue to support, direct and insitute laws for our benefit and co-operative involvement in Europe. Without it we will suffer. It's that simple.
I'm not well educated on the matter, but i can understand that.
From another point of view i loath the idea that the French and Spanish Steal our fish, and that our farmers can't compete on a Europe or World footing, but i conceede that we need European support for any of that.
We Need the European economy for Imports and Exports. We rely on them.
We also need their law's and protections. We need cheaper roaming charges on mobile phones. We need cheaper holidays close to home. We need Garunteed medical Insurrance and freedom of movement. We need the fact that we can work in any European country, and they here.
WE NEED EUROPE.
However i also have another reason to vote Yes.
Peer Pressure. Certain Accaintance's are absoloute dicks when it comes to the Lisbon Treaty. They scoff at the "ignorance" of the Irish people. They openly spew support for europe and the free market economy alsmost like brain washed people or basic twats. I can't stand it. Of course Europe is good, but people resent the Choice presented to them. They don't understand it and frankly don't want to have to deal with the problem.
Basically in theory democracy is great, the only real problem in some instance's, is the People.
The People will rarely reach a concessus worthy of the real general opinion. Right Now IRELAND HATE'S POLOTICS.
We Fear NAMA. We HATE FF. We haven't a clue about Lisbon. We the people of Ireland don't want to deal with it. But we have to.
And what we have to do is Vote yes. Vote Against FF and Hope that our Children can follow our footsteps and make things better again. We can't rely on the current crop to make everything better overnight. But with the right choice's we can get ourselves back on path.
A path where NAMA doesn't take too long to be payed back. A path where the people of Ireland our looked after and safe. A Path where they have money to spare, but not to overspend. A path where we have everything we diseverve and a path where we don't become overwhelmed by the greed that plagued recent years.
It may be a dream but we must achieve it.
There are many issue's that the youth of Ireland differ from their parents on.
The question of the North can't truely be decided but others are a bit more liberal.
We would freely Allow Gay Marraige.
And in a heartbeat we would allow Abortion for Emergency situations, with slightly better powers than currently exist. A full free service for a Womans choice is harder to agree on, but a lot of today's youth have no problem and feel the choice should be decided upon again and again until choice and equality is represented.
The Youth of today want job security, and a stable economy with consumer goods.
They want to be involved in the world and their local area's.
They have a fever for activism, liberlism and change. But little outlet and little hope for the large changes they would hope for right now.
In truth many of them will become bitter and hardned by the hardships ahead of us. It is unlikely that this positive demand for change will actually last much longer. And it's quite possible that we could loose reach with the youth of tomorrow as well as today.
The future is uncertain. The Present is Uncertain. But it doesn't mean we can't work, educate and prepare for what will be a difficult Century for humanity.
Will technology plateu or will we continue to grow?
Will we reach other planets in our star system or kill ourselves over energy and resources?
Or will we sit in mediocrity still arguing about exploitation, inequalities, and the future?
I know i will be. Unless i do something with my life. And so should the rest of the world. A lofty idea. But we can't help but try....
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