And i have to say it wasn't so bad. 1 more exam failed. So the tally is now as follows.
2 Exams that i have to resit
An assignment i have to have handed in by august 31st or some such
And the placement i fucked up on has to be done next week.
So with a lot of early starts and groveling that will be out of the way next week. Thank fuck for that. I stood nervously speaking with deliberate elocution almost shouting into my phone's speaker phone when talking to the relevant office and apologising. I was trying to control a nervous stutter and remain clear and audible while being terrified of not only the responsibility of owning up to being a selfish ignorant fuck wit, but also doing anything that i should be doing ie fixing my own mess!
So next week i'll have 450 am starts and will be re-doning my tunic to take care of people for free and supposedly get an education. Glory be and all that. It's the height of summer. Okay i have no job, i'm poor at delegating with friends but feck. This mess of my own making really is inconvenient. You'd think after years of avoiding thing's i'd learn a lesson or something. All i've learnt is how to make shit worse.
I've put my parents 7 grand in debt. I have to repeat my exams, in my repeat year, and i missed the time owing i should have payed back when they were on holiday. I really have a talent for fucking up and being self-centred and self-affacing and all other self things.
I received my results in an email mere minutes before i was due to go into town to go and get them. Knowing my results i still went into town.
I then checked them in their hard copy format on the notice board when i got into D'Olier Street.
I then saw a few face's here and there, my old year and my current. One easy one to spot was purple face. I call her this because of her hysteric reaction on failing last september. Or whenever it was, the week before they guaranteed Irish debt for 4 generation's if my memory serves right. She was very upset and so on. Lucky for me, i had parent's who put far too much faith in me and gave me a repeat year via a credit union loan.
Interesting since that whole morning me and my father were driving in the rain listening to the economic gloom of the government announcement of that insane and inane "guarantee". So after a few quick emails the decision was made to repeat instead of the obvious disaster of "off books". So i got my second chance. Purple face didn't have that. She went off books, as far as i could tell. And by the look of her reaction nearly a year later, she still didn't do to well. Shame, pity, so on and so forth.
Considering i have squandered this year. Considering i spent most of it developing a "social life" in the form of my connection to the Society. Considering i put a lot of thankless effort into that and then never voted for myself to guarantee a term of office i would either not be able to sit or would have been to busy for. Considering i was still depressed and never fully pulled myself out of a rut enough to study fully and to pass as i was forced to promise. Considering i made the same mistakes again and again, and added new one's.
Considering all that, i still have the last LAST CHANCE. And fuck it i have to work. I'm not emotional. I don't really want to be a nurse forever. If i get this over with i'll branch out instantly. I'll do social work, i'll do charity work, i'll go to the Sudan and get shot for handing out grain; i'll do anything not to wipe an old woman's ass again.
Following receiving my results i sent an email update to my tutor and waited a reply. Seeing this wasn't going to happen i went walking. I was still aching a bit from my Sunday morning stroll in the docklands. But it had given me a spring in my emotion's mere minutes before my results. So i thought for the sake of time wasting and health, keep on walking.
So i went down D'Olier street. Onto Pearse street, around the construction. College green. Trinity campus. Cut through to the art's block. Pass by that cutie who rejected me who never saw me, her mouth a-ghast with large click's of chewing gum. Nassau street. The same beggar in front of the spar. The first news agent's on Grafton street, DAMN that new JOLT stuff is expensive. A price hunt it was. Dame street and back into temple bar at exchange street. Every newsagent's along the way and even a nostalgic look into the grotty café that i had that "lunch" with Cleo. Exchange street. Those kid's and their youth project busy building their space. I walked on, there was more to this area i didn't know. A lane that looks like the one featured on the "VOTE YES" ad's for Lisbon. An art gallery with metal sculpture's of Preditor's and Alien's and one bitchin' Optimus Prime. Wood Quay. Heart of Dubh Linn. A reptile shop, MORE humid than our weather, a cool breeze shock upon leaving. Walk back east along the liffey.
A Czech soldier is asked by local slurred speech skanger local's was he one of "our" boy's back from Chad. Then up Capal street. Many memories. My dad used to park here for shopping on saturday mornings, years ago. We used to have breakfast in Bewley's on Henry street. Now all evidence of it is gone. I tried to look for Bananbar books, but it was long gone. Then i saw the several adult shops, odly open in day time. Memories of possibly the only sex my mind brags about that i had with PG. A wonderful night that included me buying lube, our first successful attempts at anal and 3 great time's so exhausting that i ached for days. More and more newsagent's along the way. Jolt product's are hard to come by. Then i reached the end of Capal street and realised i knew nothing further. To my right was Parnell street, and the Virgin Imax/UGC/Cineworld. My favourite cinema. DS and mines sanctuary of movie education and worship. I'd seen a large road on maps, past this point, not knowing it's name. So i walked there. Bolton street. Ethnic melting pot just like Parnell street, or as i like to think "Chinatown". Gave up on my Jolt price search. Then bought a "Tiger" energy drink in a small bistro/mini-shop. It's ingredient's all in polish. .99 cent and an attractive migrant worker on till, who was i to complain. The next door down, a spar. To my infinite luck, and what i instantly predicted. JOLT was available in this shop. Not just Jolt cola, but all 3 of the new flavours, plus the energy tablets at an extortionate 3.99.
I then walked up a side street. A large gate beckoned. The second i reached it my mother rang. Was told to attempt to contact tutor in person. She asked why i wasn't in "trinity". I said i was waiting. I also said i was on Parnell street, and not "relatively" lost on purpose. My college is D'Olier street as it is, separate campus. My Tutor's office is in Apollo house. It's a monster eye-sore nestled behind the stye that is the Department of Health and Children. Architectural shudder. It was 435pm. Train at 1714 in Dublin Pearse. I walked briskly, with a limb all the way from KIngs Inn's, to Parnell street, O'Connel Street, Abbey Street, The liffey, Tara Street, by Apollo house, read email's on Inq, no response, up pearse street in spitting's of rain, and onto Westland Row at 1703 or so...
Reading on train, on 1984 now. Eventually got phone call while passing between Balbriggan and Gormanston. The Army Artillery Corps were practicing on the coast for some reason. AND HOME.
Not really blogging but rants and explanation's. I'll be back on the wards next week. A lot of chore's tomorrow. Hovering, weed picking, dog feeding and so on. Study also needed. How i'll fit my new books in i don't know. But i will!
Tid bit's some time "today".
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