Swine Flu Preparation for the Society

This is an a quote of an email i sent to the new Stonecutter Master of the Society Apollo regarding Swine Flu and Freshers week:




Dear Magnificent and exalted Leader of the Society, S'up!


I was wasting time and thought of you and your new job. So i thought i would mention my concerns Re: Swine flu and freshers week.

If i make it to 3rd year i actually won't be around as i will be looking after REAL sick people in hospital but i'm sure you and your new team will have your hands full making money off of the clueless freshers.


I know its probably a mute point and not really that serious but the possibility of Swine flu spreading wildly during freshers week is very possible.


Imagine the scene. 3,000 acne ridden cirrhosis liver containers known as Freshers will arrive to TCD with bugged eyes, fake tan, big hair and a string of STD's picked up from "i-an-ap-ah" and "i-bee-za" over the long summer after their Leaving cert.

They arrive to the bastion of Class and self importance that is Trinity college. They, not knowing more than what they pre-learnt for set exams, will think the societies of this historical college are the coolest thing since sliced bread aps for their iPhones.

They will walk around all the stalls in the early autumn rain and blistering sunshine, every 20 minutes, and will sign their names with snot ridden hands and hand over currency that has passed through the hands of many a drunk youth and banker. This currency will feed the societies for the year but it will also contain many a disease. It will also be likely to have trace elements of Cocaine and last weekend's Donner kebab.

As these throngs of unclean prospective students wander around the stall's and register they will come in contact with Hundreds if not thousands of young unclean and partially drunk students. No one will have time to have a shower, or wash their hands due to the extensive partying to be had.


Society People will also be under stress. Working 24/7, that is 24 pints per 7 hours. They will slave to attract these "freshers" to their societies, and their beds. They will meet hundreds of people an hour and forget most face's and names, or reserve some for later personal intimate moments...

As they shake hands, pass pends, swap bodily fluids and generally communicate in a student manor with these thousands of new people they will be putting themselves at risk. They will not have eaten in a week. They will have an alcohol intake that will constitute their entire RDA of Calories for a week. They will also have enough Caffeine, vitamin b and Taurin in them to resuscitate a cardiac patient or energise the depressed.

They will be both grumpy and cordial on such a level that one wrong step could lead to mass murder.

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO EXPOSE YOUR PEOPLE TO THESE THREATS?



But in all seriousness. I think it would be best to added alco-wipes to the gift pack's the same as condoms. Mask's are actually useless, but add them to the pack with magic markers for novelty and supposed safety concerns.



Freshers week is a logistical challenge as it is. But can you prevent against Swine flu, Man flu, Mumbs, GAIDS, Ginger-vitis and Alcohol withdrawal?

Good Luck.




I believe these public health concerns are very important. After all my good Friends in the society not only want to perform a service but they want to get absolutely shit faced during freshers week. How is it fair on them that they are at risk of catching swine flu because of these dirty new people?

The STD de jour after all is Examitis, not Mumbs as you would think, so is it really fair to add Swine Flu to their troubled lives of 2 pm wake up calls and constant hang overs?